I used to be different

I am a focused, well balanced and very dependable career girl.  No wait, I was all of that until I got pregnant.  My hormones have rendered by brain into a lump of mushy marshmallows with lots of chocolate sauce and cherries on top.  I will be fair as I usually am ( thankfully my ability to rationalize is not fully gone yet ) and say that not all of it is because of being pregnant.  I am in a strange country, still don’t have a driving license, work at home and don’t get to socialize at all, so I tend to spend most of my time working at home and surfing the internet.  I am bored and when I get bored I usually loose interest in real life.  But then again, I love reading but my reading capacity has gone down from 800 page books in a week to 8 words on the back of microwave dinner packs.

I spend most of the day trying to pick out the perfect nursery,  taking into consideration that I am not going to have a nursery at all, just a baby crib which which will probably end up in our room for the first year.  I dream of lovely pink polka dot wallpaper ( for the record, I don’t even like pink that much, and polka dots were never my thing).  I also have a thing for baby clothes, although in comparison my husband is much worse off, I practically have to drag him away from the baby girl section to stop him from buying more stuff than she could possibly wear in the beginning, and every time he gives me a nasty look which makes me feel like I am the evil step mother or the wicked witch of the west.  He also talks to the baby which I find so cute and tells her all of the wonderful things he is planning to do with her, like teach her how to build Lego towers.

Did I mention I also dream of having my pre-baby body back?  I am 30 weeks pregnant and I miss being able to roll around in bed when I want to instead of having to get up and roll to my other side, and I also miss sleeping on my back.  I also miss my waist, is was a nice feature.  I was never really “thin”, but I was ok and I was happy with my body and comfortable with it, now we are not very comfortable with each other, my body wants to go to the bathroom every 3 minutes and my legs don’t want to carry me there.  My shoes don’t fit anymore either, part of it is because my feet are bigger and part because I used to buy shoes that fit with no room to spare for even a pair of thicker socks, so I guess I deserve that one.  My sister will be very happy because I guess she might as well have them, including a pair that was only worn twice and cost an arm and a leg.

The funny thing in all of this is that I am euphoric, I don’t really care about all of these things, I want to get to my due date and end up with a cute and slightly naughty little baby girl whom I hope will be my friend forever.

No Comments