The Big Bad Black Wolf

I have always thought my sister has a unique literary style.  I think it comes from her extremely eloquent and charismatic personality.  This peice is called “the big bad black wolf”, please enjoy.

Slowly very slowly it crawled into my existence I hardly noticed or maybe I chose to simply ignore the shadowy existence…after all it’s just a harmless shadow, what’s a shadow in the darkness…..

Deeper, darker, closer, faster, closer

Seeping deep into my pores I could almost touch IT…. the big bad black wolf.
Surreal was it’s black existence you couldn’t really tell was it real or was it a wild figment of my vivid imagination….then out of nowhere there…in my face sneering at me my pupils dilating more of disbelief than fear, my heart racing, and my palms sweating….

IT is real…it exists….the big bad black wolf

So close …so real…. IT’s big black eyes endless in their blackness …my mind wandered from its fear could this be the abyss? The bottomless pit? The gap between the real and the unreal? The difference between the ideal and the actual?….I was looking on into the black hole of nothingness …it beckoned me into the eerie blackness a strangely calming sense of quiet settled around me, I was being gently pulled in mmmmmm calm,serene,mine all mine ………no!!!! Wrong!!! Not good!!! Alarm bells clanged in my head ….jerking back, my head pounding , my eyes focused slowly

I could see clearly now the big bad black wolf there was nothing calm or serene about IT, the eyes were no longer black they were enormous fiery blazes of deep red, his dark presence was large and foreboding his fangs large and jagged pearly and gleaming

Jeering at me, challenging me to come in, I dare you he silently beckoned, I know you want it, come into the darkness, loneliness can be your friend, grief your lover, sadness your very best companion, you will never be alone again, you will have me forever you needn’t fear lonely for it will be with you all the time….no no no!!! I screamed inside my head

I could see my reflection in his fangs … realization set in…could that be me?…no so small, so scared so possessed, that wasn’t me it couldn’t be me the cowered stance the petrified eyes no that wasn’t me I don’t like that me no no no go away I screwed my eyes shut wishing the big bad black wolf to disappear …cautiously I opened my eyes nope still there looming over me could I run? Why wasn’t I running, a magnetic pull overwhelmed me.

I Stayed

NO! I will not relent I will not go quietly I am strong I am hard I am big I am tall NO!
I straightened my back pulled my stomach in and puffed out my chest as far as they both could go the coward still inside me I was a little uncertain I little hesitant the great big red eyes stared at me sensing the change I stared back as hard as I could, still scared I was but IT didn’t need to know


Go away; Go away I am not afraid I am not afraid

Was IT getting smaller? Was IT getting weaker?

Go away; Go away I am not afraid I am not afraid

Was IT getting greyer? Was IT retreating?

I widened my eyes willing the energy out I will fight for my I will fight for the light you can not eat me you cannot beat me I am tall I am big I am strong I am a tower, a big strong tower a thousand feet tall and a thousand feet wide .
This is my substance this is what I am I am the light you are the dark
The light will always prevail and darkness will seize to exist

Finally after what felt like a lifetime I could feel the fire fizzle, the red turn to brown, and the jagged fangs blacken and break into brittle crumbs.

I was winning it would not take me

I am not afraid I am not afraid

The blackness resided ,the eyes blackened it was turning into nothing right there in front of my eyes the monster was dying …I killed it…. I killed it quietly from within …

I killed it with the curl of a baby’s hand around my finger, I killed it with the genuine hug from a friend, I killed it with seeing an old friend with a broad smile of recognition high on their face, I killed it with the first smell of spring, I killed it with the feel of sand and sea water between my toes and the salt breeze in my face, I killed it with my mother’s happy tears that I have blossomed into someone she is proud to call her own, I killed it with my sister’s hearty laugh….

I killed it

I killed it with love and pride and happiness

I killed it for me……….I killed it for us …all of us

Then and there with its last breath I could see it in the eyes a mere glimpse in a passing moment …..IT sees me, I see me in its eyes IT thinks ….no ….IT believes…. IT really believes that yes…dare I say it?? IT believes me it believes in me…IT believes that I am…

I am invincible

So are you

Loneliness and sadness can never be your friend

The big bad black wolf is within you…. never let it out

For Remember that you are…..Invincible

The last lecture

You would think that a dying man would be more interested in himself and would want to talk about cures, medicine and chemotherapy, or complain about how bad it is for him. Not Randy Pausch, a 47 year old proffessor who was diagnosed with terminal pancreatic cancer. Randy gave what he called “The Last Lecture” or what was renamed to “Realizing your childhood dreams” lecture to his students and friends in Carnegie Mellon. The last time I heard anyone speak and felt so inspired was back in ’05 when I attended a lecture by Paolo Coehlo. Not only is he hilarious and charismatic he says it exactly like it is. My personal conclusion from this lecture was the realization that brick walls are there for a reason and that there is always a way to achieve what we really want to.

It is an hour and 15 minutes but well worth your time.

I love the world

Discovery Channel’s new promo for Earth day says it just right

Walk the walk

Last Friday the Rotary Cosmopolitan chapter sponsored its sixth annual walkathon in Alexandria, for the benefit of children at risk. The objective was to walk from El Montaza to Kaitbey citadel. Those of you who know Alex well should know that it is almost 18 kms. Personally, I’ve always loved walking and I love Alexandria’s waterfront promenade or more commonly known for us Alexians the Corniche. I’ve walked from Montaza to Roushdy before so I know it is possible.  Friday morning came and the weather was just perfect, a slight breeze was blowing and a wonderfully cool sun was shining, just the weather for walking.  So I packed my little baby in her carrier and “wore” her and set off for the walkathon.  My sister and some relatives were also taking part and we all said we would walk as much as we could.  With 8 checkpoints along the route, each just over 2 km apart, we started heading for them.  The walkers started walking at 9:30 am.  There were also cyclists, runners, skaters and a kid or two with scooters.  The breakdown of people walking for charity was pretty diverse, foreigners, Egyptians, schoolchildren, adults, families and even lots of older people set off.Panoramic view of Alexandria

I was carrying my little girl so I was pretty slow and my sister and cousins left me behind to enjoy the sun at my own slower pace.  My mind wandered off and kept me company for almost 2 hours I thought about everything and nothing.  I had my ipod filled with music but it did not even occur to me to listen to it because I was having too much fun playing with my own thoughts.  I never did make it to the finish point but almost everyone else did.  I stopped at San Stefano, the third checkpoint, meaning I walked for 6.3 kms.  I suppose if I wasn’t carrying Lulu I could have gone till the end.  She slept the whole time peacefully and woke only when I finished in time for her feeding.Kaitbey Citadel

Giving money for charity is usually an easy thing to do, we don’t think about the cause longer than it takes us to take the money out of our purses and wallets and give it to the cause in need.  It is events like these that make those who give actually think about it for longer.  It also offers the opportunity to raise awareness, people kept asking me on the way why we were walking.  The less fortunate need those who are more fortunate to help them out.

On a completely different note, Alexandria is a beautiful city and we tend to forget to look at its beauty.  Lately it has become crowded and traffic jams which used to occur only at rush hours are now part of the whole day.  Its heritage and culture date back to prehistory and so many civilizations have affected and been part of its history that it is like a beautiful tapestry that just needs to be looked at.  Walking along the corniche as a whole helps us see that and think about it.

I hope that next year, the Rotary sponsors another one and that maybe then I can make it to the very end.

Egyptian girls are blogging and being published

Last week I went to Cairo for a short weekend trip and stopped at On the Run, a little green book with a white bride caught my eye and I bought it. Titled “Ana 3ayza atgawez” meaning I want to get married, the book is the funny stories that Ghada has been through meeting different potential grooms. I had no idea that the book was originally a blog, my husband pointed that fact to me and then my mother. Obviously the book was all over the news and I was just the last to know. I went out and got the other two books in the series by Shourouk publishing “Orz Belanaban lesha5sein” and “Ama hazihi faraksati ana” and was definitely impressed.
I’ve always thought that the blogging medium is a superb outlet for young Egyptians especially girls because it was a place where they could write, be creative and let it all out.

I instantly fell in love with (3ayza atgawez). Ghada’s style is hilarious, the stories are just so Egyptian and everything about the book is fresh and refreshing.

Orz Bellaban, is more about little stories that Rehab writes. Some are sad, some are funny and some are on the verge of crazy, but all of them grouped together point out very clearly that Rehab is talented and definitely on her way to a literary future.

The shortest book and in my view the simplest is Ama Hazihi faraksati Ana. Simple it might be but, shallow it is not, the book has lots of depth and is very easy to relate to, or maybe I related to it on a very strong level. Ghada (a different one) is obviously a very down to earth girl who’s head lives in the real world but has a very romantic heart.

Apparently the blogging trend is here to stay so definitely kudos girls!

You can visit the original blogs:

Ma3a Nafsi >> Ama Hazihi faraksati ana

Orz Bellaban lesha5sein >> Hawadeet

Wanna Be a Bride >> Ana 3ayza atgawez

You can also part of the interview the girls did with Mona El-Shazly on El 3ashera Masa2an here:

El 3ashera interview