9 Reasons not to think positively

Rain Clouds

This is totally for fun.  Positive thinking is the next best thing to chocolate.  From the book Are ya Bovvered?, 500 reasons not to give a shit.

1. Positive people are annoying as hell.  When something really shitty has happened and you just want to wallow in your own worthlessness, they always trot out platitudes like “there’s plenty more fish in the sea” or “it just wasn’t meant to be” or “maybe it’s for the best”.  Arrrgghhh.
2. It’s pseudo mind-fooling crap which helps sad losers tolerate their miserable pointless lives.
3. If you think the worst, you can never be disappointed.
4. Why should someone starving in Africa think positively – exactly – proving that it’s a decadent upyour- arse Western way of dealing with the world when life gets too comfortable.
5. Thinking the best of people gets you screwed over every time.
6. Shit happens, regardless of whether you are thinking happy thoughts; life really sucks most of the time – deal with it.
7. X-Factor auditions: Ten thousand wannabe twats who are living proof that thinking positively about your worse than meagre abilities
   1. makes you look a twat
   2. wastes everybody else’s time
   3. turns you into fodder for exploitation TV culture.
8. Maybe if Americans weren’t so goddam smiley smug positive all the time they would look around them and realize that they’ve destabilized the Middle East, they are stopping the rest of the world from saving the planet, their president is a complete retard and everybody hates them.
9. Behind every cloud the sun is shining – yeah, but you can’t see it because there a friggin’ great cloud in the way.