He’s Just Not That Into You

He's Just Not That Into You

He's Just Not That Into You

So unless you were living in a cave or under a big shiny blue rock you must have heard about this movie or the book titled He’s Just Not That Into You.  The book was inspired by an episode of Sex and the City titled “Pick-A-Little, Talk-A-Little,” in which Miranda asks Carrie‘s boyfriend, Jack Berger, to analyze the post-date behavior of a potential love interest. Because the man declined Miranda’s invitation to come up to her apartment after the date, stating that he has an early meeting, Berger concludes, “He’s just not that into you,” adding, “When a guy’s really into you, he’s coming upstairs, meeting or no meeting.”  [Wikipedia].

The movie follows the lives of people who are totally misreading signs and interpreting the other person’s actions incorrectly.  I am not going to spoil the movie for you and I am not really going to do a movie review.  I did like the movie and it is an interesting and slightly thought provoking movie which is worth seeing for a girls night out.

After watching my brain sort of did a quick dissection of the movie and came up with these random or maybe not so random thoughts.

Signs.  I’ve always had a problem with signs, I believe they don’t really exist and that they are a waste of time especially in relationships.  When a girl is in love she will twist every single detail and analyze it over and over a million times over just to see things the way she wants to see it.  My rule is, if someone wants something they have to ask for it clearly, unless that happens whatever might be in their mind just does not exist in my world.  This is not just applicable to guys and girls this is applicable to everything in life.  For example, your boss is being nice to you does not mean he wants to fire or promote you (unless he really says either).  I know people who will analyze every single detail to death and end up wasting so much time thinking instead of living.  If you over analyze you are just stressing your self out for nothing

Dump the girl too. You might have a gal pal who’s just not that into you either.  I mean that sometimes our girl friends can be just as toxic to our lives.  The girl who doesn’t call, doesn’t care and is never really there should be dumped.  The girl who uses you and abuses you should get the boot.  Even if you’ve known her for a kazillion years, that is no excuse.  Dump her and move on.  Friends should make you feel good and be good to you.  They are honest, open and real.

Real advice.  How many times has someone asked you for advice and instead of being honest you were nice?  Personally I am a mean biatch sometimes, my sister can testify that I am a believer in tough love and usually tell people what they don’t really want to hear and it’s not because I have a mean sadistic streak but because I’d rather  give the cure than kiss the boo boo when someone is hurting.  Sometimes you have to be really honest with yourself and give yourself real and true advice to help yourself move on or forward.

You can’t force a guy into marrying you. Actually you can.  You can trap him but eventually he will leave.  This is valid for anything in life, if you force anyone to do anything, somewhere along the line they will snap and try to get out.  On the other hand if you help someone do what they truly want everyone will be much happier.

Lying is never good.  Yes, lying is never good, but you know that already, don’t you?  You will get caught or ruin your life or whatever.  Don’t lie.  Don’t lie to someone you care about.

Happiness is a ride not a destination. Really, who is happy all the time?  No one.  The married couple had problems, the single girls were looking for love, the girl who was in love and living with her boyfriend wanted to get married, the girl who loves a man who doesn’t love her back is loved by another man whom she doesn’t want.  There’s always something.  There is no “state” or “status” for happiness.  It’s an outlook and a choice to be happy.  There is no happy ending because as long as you are alive there is no end and you have to keep working on it and doing your best to be happy.

Update: RJay had an interesting angle on the movie too.

When I Grow Up I Want To Be Jane

the_mentalist_logo1Patrick Jane that is, The Mentalist‘s protagonist.  If you haven’t seen the Mentalist then you should run along now and go find an episode to watch.  I am serious, the show is addictive and very interesting to watch, I am loving it and totally getting high on it.  If you have watched it then you might know why I totally want to be Patrick Jane, or Jane Patrick a female version of him.

Patrick Jane is a fictional character portrayed by Simon Baker on the American TV crime drama The Mentalist. Jane is a consultant for the fictitious “California Bureau of Investigation” and helps by giving advice and insight from his many years as a fake medium. He uses his keen powers of observation, deduction, and knowledge of social engineering to help lead the investigation. He plays an important role in the show and could be considered the protagonist. [Wikipedia]

The positivity blog has an interesting post on 7 powerful tips for charisma which you can learn from the mentalist.  You really should read the post but here they are in short:

1. Smile.
2. Be interested, open and curious.
3. Be fully present.
4. Be assertive.
5. Be confident.
6. Be amused.
7. Be socially free and authentic.

Personally I have some other reasons I think the character is so cool.

citroen-ds-21-mentalistCrazy cool car.  He drives a Citroen DS a 60s model maybe.  I’ve always wanted a crazy cool car.  Something totally unique.  Of course it would have to be blue and I’d love to redo the leather interior hot pink and install an iPod dock and cup holders.  I always think a car is a lot like it’s owner and your choice of car can tell us something about you.

Cold Reading. Cold reading is a series of techniques used by mentalists, fortune tellers, psychics, and mediums to determine details about another person in order to convince them that the reader knows much more about a subject than he or she actually does. Even without prior knowledge of a person, a practiced cold reader can still quickly obtain a great deal of information about the subject by carefully analyzing the person’s body language, clothing or fashion, hairstyle, gender, sexual orientation, religion, race or ethnicity, level of education, manner of speech, place of origin, etc. Cold readers commonly employ high probability guesses about the subject, quickly picking up on signals from their subjects as to whether their guesses are in the right direction or not, and then emphasizing and reinforcing any chance connections the subjects acknowledge while quickly moving on from missed guesses. [Wikipedia].  Yes I would love to be a master of cold reading.

Hypnosis.  My first brush with hypnosis was when I was 9 and read The Demon Headmaster series and then like any self respecting nerd I walked into the adult section and asked for a book on hypnosis.  The librarian gave me a dark navy blue book which I read but didn’t understand and I’ve been intrigued by hypnosis ever since.  Fast forward a couple of years later and I started reading about NLP and cold reading.  I am not an expert but an amateur who thinks we are not harnessing our brains’ real capacity.

Who would you like to be when you grow up?

What skills does that person have that you would love to have?

Bait Lothan and the Handmade Fair

Actually I don’t know what it’s called but I passed by Bait Lothan today to check out the arts courses and was met by a pleasant surprise.  They had a hand made fair with lots of super cute items like jewelry, home accessories and Mexican hand embroidered dresses.  I would have loved to take pictures but I was carrying little Lulu because I was too lazy to use the stroller thinking I would only be in and out in a couple of minutes.  I loved the paintings and the Mexican dresses they were all so beautiful.  The fair is still open tommorrow and after so if you’re in the neighborhood pop in and check it out.

Sense of Direction

I have always had a good sense for directions.  I love taking a random turn and getting to where I was originally going by exploring the world.  I have found lots of shortcuts and detours this way and have been to areas I definitely would not like to see again in this lifetime.  Anyways, I had some errands to run today and I asked my husband to draw me a map, which he did.  But, like any self respecting geek, I had to check out the location using Google Maps,  found my destination, printed it to pdf and uploaded it to my phone.  In a perfect world I would be using GPS, which my phone supports but for some reason I can’t get to work and didn’t have enough time to figure out how to use it without a data plan.  As usual I had to take a wrong turn somewhere and ended up almost where I should be but not spot on and had to walk for 10 minutes to get to the building but all’s well that ends well I guess. Discovering the world is an interesting hobby.

Beautiful Batiks by Kraf Online

Batik (pronunciation: [ˈba.teʔ], but often, in English, is [ˈbæ.tɪk] or [bəˈtiːk]) is a wax-resist dyeing technique used on textile. Due to modern advances in the textile industry the term has also been used for fabrics which incorporates the traditional batik patterns although not necessarily produced using the batik technique, silk batik is especially popular.

Javanese traditional batik, especially from Jogjakarta, has special meanings which is rooted to the Javanese idea of the universe. Traditional colours include indigo, dark brown ,white and violet, which represents the four major Hindu Gods, and certain patterns can only be worn by royals. Other regions of Indonesia have their own unique patterns. Patterns similar to Indonesian batik are also found in several countries of West Africa, such as Nigeria, Ghana, Cameroon, Uganda and Mali, and in Asia, such as India, Sri Lanka, Bangladesh, Iran, Philippines, Malaysia, Thailand and Burma, which displays the influence of the Indonesian batik internationally.  From Wikipedia.

Batik Scarf

Batik Scarf

Batik Notepads from Kraf Online

Batik Notepads from Kraf Online

I have a soft spot for batik in my heart, I think it started many years ago when we would draw on paper with colored crayons and then paint over them with watercolors at school and then when my mom stated silk painting.  I would look at her books for hours and dream of pretty silk, wax designs and vibrant colors.  Unfortunately she doesn’t do silk any more.  All of us hijabees out there know that the best fabrics for scarves are silk and cotton, they don’t make you feel hot and don’t make the woosh woosh sound all day when you wear something synthetic.  Kraf Online have a beautiful collection of handcrafted scarves, stationary, bags and other items.  I like the scarves but I like the idea of the notepads because they look so sweet, authentic and personal.  Their prices are very fair, I mean the notepads cost around 10$, which is nice for a hand made item that would make a great gift for anyone.

Use coupon code “crafty” for a 10% discount on all items.

Now excuse me while I go find some wax and some colors to make some batik eggs.

Friday’s Five: I’ve been told about the future …

The Wise Owl by patries71

The Wise Owl by patries71

I’ve been told many things. Some things I remember and others I don’t. Throughout life people will tell you things about the future and sometimes you will think that no way in hell that whatever they are saying will come true, then when the days have passed you will remember and realize that whatever they said did happen. There are other times of course that you will laugh and wonder what the hell were they talking about.
Without further ado, the top five things that I’ve been told:
5 The first year of marriage is the hardest. I agree with this one. The first year of marriage is a toughie, it’s when two different people, from different backgrounds, with different ideas merge into one household.  I think my first year of marriage was very hard; I got married, moved to a different country, left my job, got pregnant and discovered I was not exactly a natural domestic wonder.  I made lots of mistakes, learned from some of them, made them again, learned from some of the mistakes I made a second time and so on and so forth.  Overall, since what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, and since I am not dead so I am guessing all is well.

4 You will always look back at school and think it was the greatest time of your life. I completely disagree with this one. I hated my school. Well I hated the last school I went to before university. I liked the ones before it (I’ve been to five different schools) but I still don’t think school was the best time of my life neither was university. I actually like getting older, I am guessing my forties will be the happiest time of my life.

3 With children, as they grow older, things get harder/easier. I agree with both statements.  Some things are easier and some things are harder.  The first few months were a sleep deprived haze of getting by.  It’s definitely easier to go out now but it’s also exhausting to keep tabs on her all the time since she’s gotten more mobile.  Trust me on this if you don’t have kids, they can sometimes crawl into the bathroom in a matter of seconds, unroll a fresh roll of toilet paper, topple the laundry hamper over, eat soap and make a complete mess.  That said, I can’t wait until she can walk, run and ask me why the sky is blue a hundred times over (I am weird like that).


2 You will look back at this day/event/whatever and will laugh.
So true.  Imagine life like a road that you travel forward, when you move away from a thing it looks much smaller and eventually disappears. Smart people learn how to move forward faster than others.  Not so smart people get off life and sit next to their problem and keep going around it, refusing to move away.  Step away from the problem, turn around, choose the right way to go and run!

And my number one top favorite:

1 Everything will sort itself out eventually. Yes, everything does eventually either work out or doesn’t matter, either way life goes on.

Decisions

Decisions by Richard Scott 33

Decisions by Richard Scott 33

How do you make decisions? Tough ones, small ones or silly ones? How do you decide to go left or go right? Are all decisions equally difficult to make or do you find some easier than others? Do you call friends, ask family or check your horoscope? Do you pray and ask for divine intervention? Which is worse; making the wrong decision or not making a decision at all? You always want to make the right choice every time, but can we? Sometimes we know we are doing the wrong thing but know that it is also the only feasible option, does that still make it a decision or is it then no longer a choice but a fact of life? Is everything in life fate? Do we even get to make these decisions or is everything already predetermined?

Just some questions that I don’t have the answers to, do you?

A Brief Guide to World Domination

No matter
how
independent they
are, I’ve yet
to meet
someone who has
accomplished everything in their
life completely on their own. It just doesn’t work that way.
If you want to conform to society then skip this post and go be your generic self in a generic world.
If you want to be your true self and not conform to the standards of anyone but yourself then give Chris Guillebeau’s A Breif Guid to World Domination a look. It’s a free e-book or a manifesto for living life in a way that will help you take a good look at your life and maybe even turn it into something outstanding.  It is only 29 pages long, but if you take the time to answer the questions and think about the concepts deeply it will take some time to read.  It points to great resources, has lots of interesting information and is very interactive.  I think it is more of a workbook than a manifesto.
Personally, I am going through one of those phases in life where everything is slow and I am taking the time to decide what I want to do next, the manifesto was an inspiration, filled with real people’s stories who have made a difference, changed their lives and the lives of so many other people.
It is so easy to be like everyone else, but it is so much harder to be just you. Finding yourself is a challenge in itself and then being consistent and growing is so much harder. Yet. it is doable, so many people have done it, if they can do it, then so can we.

Why I ask questions, instead of update my status

The Questions Cube by Grunge

The Questions Cube by Grunge

“Quality questions
create
a quality
life. Successful people
ask better
questions, and as
a result, they get
better answers.” Anthony Robbins
If you are a friend of mine on facebook you will have noticed that it has been ages since I have actually updated the status message with anything personal or related to my life.  It’s an intentional thing by the way.  After being subjected to other people’s terribly depressing status messages and the realization that instead of using facebook to connect, share or start a conversation it has become all about mostly depression, sadness or complaints.

I used to be guilty of updating my status with cryptic messages of pure depression, frustration or anger.  Getting out of my own pity party and canceling all future ones was a great decision.  It took me a while t0 realize that the people who really care usually already know and don’t need to be updated and the people who don’t, shouldn’t really know.  Instead, I ask a daily question of the day (QotD for short) and wait for my awesome friends to come up with funny, insightful and interesting answers.  Basically I have achieved more than I had in mind when I first started to ask the questions.

  • A conversation is born every time a question is asked.  We discuss, we laugh and we talk to each other.  I now know what kind of shampoo they would like to be, what their favorite songs of the moment are, what they would say if they were bumper stickers, what false assumptions people make about them and so many other interesting things.  Some questions work better than others but overall, someone always manages to amaze me either by coming up with a totally funny or interesting point of view or by showing me a side of themselves I had never seen.  Sometimes someone will message me or email me and we’ll talk some more about it.
  • Positivity and empowerment have replaced the negativity and complaining.  Instead of complaining I can ask a question.  Instead of feeling lonely, I now feel connected to my friends. When you give yourself permission to moan, you just take away your power to live and enjoy what you already have. I might be living a thousand kilometers away from my family and friends but I have chosen to connect every day with a simple question. In our busy lives it is becoming more and more difficult to connect with everyone on a daily personal basis, so this is my way of doing the next best thing. It might not be as deep having a long conversation, but it works for me.

So to all you amazingly cool friends who have answered my questions, thank you.

What do you do with your status?

Friday’s Five: Barbeque

 

Barbeque by The Rocketeer

Barbeque by The Rocketeer

No barbeque is complete without:

 

  1. Barbequed Meat.  Duh!
  2. Barbeque Sauce. 
  3. Chicken Kebabs
  4. Tahini and other salads
  5. Lots of cold icy drinks.