He’s Just Not That Into You

He's Just Not That Into You

He's Just Not That Into You

So unless you were living in a cave or under a big shiny blue rock you must have heard about this movie or the book titled He’s Just Not That Into You.  The book was inspired by an episode of Sex and the City titled “Pick-A-Little, Talk-A-Little,” in which Miranda asks Carrie‘s boyfriend, Jack Berger, to analyze the post-date behavior of a potential love interest. Because the man declined Miranda’s invitation to come up to her apartment after the date, stating that he has an early meeting, Berger concludes, “He’s just not that into you,” adding, “When a guy’s really into you, he’s coming upstairs, meeting or no meeting.”  [Wikipedia].

The movie follows the lives of people who are totally misreading signs and interpreting the other person’s actions incorrectly.  I am not going to spoil the movie for you and I am not really going to do a movie review.  I did like the movie and it is an interesting and slightly thought provoking movie which is worth seeing for a girls night out.

After watching my brain sort of did a quick dissection of the movie and came up with these random or maybe not so random thoughts.

Signs.  I’ve always had a problem with signs, I believe they don’t really exist and that they are a waste of time especially in relationships.  When a girl is in love she will twist every single detail and analyze it over and over a million times over just to see things the way she wants to see it.  My rule is, if someone wants something they have to ask for it clearly, unless that happens whatever might be in their mind just does not exist in my world.  This is not just applicable to guys and girls this is applicable to everything in life.  For example, your boss is being nice to you does not mean he wants to fire or promote you (unless he really says either).  I know people who will analyze every single detail to death and end up wasting so much time thinking instead of living.  If you over analyze you are just stressing your self out for nothing

Dump the girl too. You might have a gal pal who’s just not that into you either.  I mean that sometimes our girl friends can be just as toxic to our lives.  The girl who doesn’t call, doesn’t care and is never really there should be dumped.  The girl who uses you and abuses you should get the boot.  Even if you’ve known her for a kazillion years, that is no excuse.  Dump her and move on.  Friends should make you feel good and be good to you.  They are honest, open and real.

Real advice.  How many times has someone asked you for advice and instead of being honest you were nice?  Personally I am a mean biatch sometimes, my sister can testify that I am a believer in tough love and usually tell people what they don’t really want to hear and it’s not because I have a mean sadistic streak but because I’d rather  give the cure than kiss the boo boo when someone is hurting.  Sometimes you have to be really honest with yourself and give yourself real and true advice to help yourself move on or forward.

You can’t force a guy into marrying you. Actually you can.  You can trap him but eventually he will leave.  This is valid for anything in life, if you force anyone to do anything, somewhere along the line they will snap and try to get out.  On the other hand if you help someone do what they truly want everyone will be much happier.

Lying is never good.  Yes, lying is never good, but you know that already, don’t you?  You will get caught or ruin your life or whatever.  Don’t lie.  Don’t lie to someone you care about.

Happiness is a ride not a destination. Really, who is happy all the time?  No one.  The married couple had problems, the single girls were looking for love, the girl who was in love and living with her boyfriend wanted to get married, the girl who loves a man who doesn’t love her back is loved by another man whom she doesn’t want.  There’s always something.  There is no “state” or “status” for happiness.  It’s an outlook and a choice to be happy.  There is no happy ending because as long as you are alive there is no end and you have to keep working on it and doing your best to be happy.

Update: RJay had an interesting angle on the movie too.


  • At 2009.05.01 06:24, asoom said:

    I read this book when I was going through a phase filled with mixed emotions and confused as hell…it totally opened up my eyes to the reality and gave me some valuable insight on my situation. I absolutely loved the movie….I saw it twice in the theatre which is something I never do.

    • At 2009.05.10 07:28, jessyz said:

      It was a good movie, but I don’t think I could see it twice, I can never see a movie twice unless it is a super duper one.

      • At 2009.05.04 22:48, Karmi said:

        This is a very interesting post. I think you’re right about many things. Personally I also think it’s a waste of time to be over-analyzing what others or in this case, what a man does or did. I think that if a man likes you well enough he’d be there and if he can’t be there or be there with you he’d say it straight out. Men who don’t do this are not worth the time. And it goes both ways.

        • At 2009.05.10 07:29, jessyz said:

          Yes it does go both ways. If someone can not commit to something and be honest and direct about it maybe there’s nothing there.