I am a dreamer. I dream of the things I want to do. I imagine myself doing them just the way that I want. But moving from that phase to the actual doing is always a difficult step. I always feel that I need to think it thru, to make sure that I will do the right thing and not regret it, that I am sure that I can deal with all of the obstacles on the way. Of course there are other times when I just jump right in and just do it. It usually depends on how confident I feel that I can do that thing. The thing that does not change is the fact that I am a dreamer.
I don’t mind the part in the middle, well not unless it is taking a REALLY long time, then I usually get bored and start wanting to move on to other things.
I love the ending, especially when it is a happy one. I enjoy watching a project coming to completion, having seen it blossom from nothing into something good is always a good thing. By then I am usually racing to the finish line, wanting to congratulate myself on the win and already dreaming of something new.
The reason I am talking about all of this was because I was thinking about why I don’t get to do all of the things I really want to do. I realized that I am a slow starter and that even when it does appear that I have jumped right in I have usually given something lots of thought.
Is it something that can be changed? I don’t think so, I sometimes have conversations in my head and keep telling myself not to think about it too much and if I don’t like what I am doing I can always go back and do something else. But the thing is, I always feel the need to finish what I started. For instance I find it really difficult not to finish a book, although now if I am reading a book that I don’t like I just put it down and start a new one because I don’t have time to waste on bad books. When I was younger I would read a book even if I hated it from the very beginning to the very last page because I always thought it just might get better somewhere in the middle. Now, I don’t.
Maybe it just needs practice. Or maybe it is just something that changes with aging and maturing and understanding that it is ok to take a U turn when you need to or that it is ok if you don’t finish something or that finding what you really want to do takes the courage and patience to keep trying. To be able to push yourself to start things you are not really interested in to find the things that you are.
What kind of person are you? Have you changed? Do you think you can change?