Ze2red sent me this lovely post from her comments section that were a reply to this post. The best thing about blogging is the discussion it generates. This is a great example of exactly that. Ze2red thank you very much for sharing this with us.
Go on and read the post first. I can wait.
Did you read it? Ok good, here is the rest of the post
This post was a result of a blogshpere conversation between Ibhog and I. We were discussing the relationships between guys and girls, and what makes it go on or sink down the drain. And this is how it went:
Ibhog: This is exactly, why guys bail on girls. At first, she admires him for being open minded, and that’s very fulfilling for him, but when things get serious (i.e we pass to the life phase of a relationship), he won’t be able to continue, because he’ll get back to his normal self again, which is pretty much out of his hands, it’s imposed by society for the most part, and of course out of him feeling insufficient.
At this point, the girl pulls back too very fast, complicating things. Now, let me tell you that me ‘wanting to be honest with you (as in I accept your conditions)’, rather than me ‘being really honest with you’, are totally different things, but yet they all compose so much of how I care about you and how much I crave you in my life.
Ze2red: The thing about pulling back here, I guess the boy is out of his element at first, he starts liking the girl, falling for her, and at some point in time he thinks, how I ever lived my life without her?. So the first stages of falling in love is imposed, he starts spoiling the girl, it’s true, he is being himself, he is that romantic guy “all in his own way, as long as she is fine with it”, caring too much, being the TENDER man “7ot ta7tha 1000 red line”, caring, loving, and most of all showing her who he really is in a nice way, so she would accept him. The thing is if she does accept him in that phase with all his good and bad. Then for now the deal is sealed.
What changes things is that girls take a longer time to fall in love and out of it, or let’s say get to that Life stage a little later after men do. So what happens that after a while the guy starts heading back to his real life “u actually said that”, what the guys don’t know is the girl at this point gets blur and mixed visions, one moment he is lifting me up high, the next he is totally ignoring me. So she starts wondering, is he falling out of love, and she starts questioning herself, did I do something wrong? Was I rude at some point? Did I get the clues when it was too late? And the relationship starts shaking.
You know why this happened? Because it is so normal for guys to quickly get back to life, and carry on with its pace with absolutely no explanation at all for their reactions. They just disappear like if the world is heading towards and apocalypse and the destiny of mankind is in their hands. Simply girls don’t get that men will sometimes take their distances then come back as much as passionate as before. No one gave us that Guy thinking instruction book. And believe me no one gave guys the Girls emotional manual book either, to give you some hints how girls’ emotions can cause them pain in the ass, and take their minds to places they should never visit.
Girls are so sensitive, and this cause them bad headaches, because they feel that they should interpret each action of their partners’ and that they should be related to them “self centered- I know”, but this is how things go in the very beginning, and it might take those turn again when they are married, if they went through some rough time “either one of them, or both of them”.
A guy simply needs his space, disappear, and head to places where he can find back his peace of mind. Figure things out to be precise. Then he will surface again, and come out of his cave. At this moment the girl would have lost her mind :D. Disappearing without saying is the worst thing you can do to punish your spouse. She grows tremendously worried, and all kind of bad ideas start flowing in her mind “ma3lesh mewasweseeeen” , so the least you can do is just tell her you need your quality time, if you really made your right choice about your lifetime partner, she will totally understand and frees you away, because she knows deep down you are coming back. Isn’t it all about talking and listing (i.e communication). Just spare her the trouble of thinking she is the reason behind every disappearance you make, the feel of guilt is BAD, it eats her up, kills the good feelings, and will turn your life into hell on earth “ta3lo 3ala nafsoko ya regala, w ray7o demaghko, ento el kasbaneen fel akher”… Guess what, keeping her in the picture (I mean when u are feeling down, not all the time) will make her worried about you, but secured about herself, she will start praying for you from deep down her heart – she loves you – and her prayers might be answered and things work out for your best. All she needs to know, you are physically OK – coz obviously you are not, emotionally – and that you are returning back to her. It’s not hard, believe me. By the way, it’s her right to know you are fine, the same as you like to be updated with her moves so you don’t get worried about her.
So the bottom line is, communication between spouses is a life, marriage, friendship and family savior.
Let us discuss this, what do you all think?