The anatomy of the female obsession with a man

Remember  when you were a teenager and you had a huge crush on Robbie Williams when he was still with Take That (an extremely famous boy band in the early 90s you probably never heard of if you were born after 85) your room was a shrine of posters you even had them on the ceiling so you could wake up to his face every morning  , you doodled his name and yours together with little hearts and fantasized about your wedding day, you bought all the pop magazines and scanned them for any news of him and of course you would cry your eyes out every time he was linked to some actress or another

Seems pretty harmless right? NOT

As we grow up as girls we spend a lot of our times doing girly things like braiding each other’s hair or trying on different clothes and make up, and part of this growing up process is inevitably BOYS

Some of us were luckier than others and had a real live crush that actually crushed back and asked us out and you had your first “experience” even though now you look back and laugh at how silly and naïve you were it was the experience that shaped how you act around guys forever

For the unlucky ones who didn’t have a guys attention like the rest of her peers and opted for the other option of taking matters into her own hands and finding a crush of her own to harass ahem I mean care for and give attention to…..a celebrity crush was far less dangerous (unless it ended up in jail due to stalking charges but we won’t go that far) than a real live crush on someone you actually know , a student who sat in from of you in class or a colleague at work seems pretty harmless  at first but here’s what happens next

At first you just admire him from afar because he did something cute like help a little old lady cross the road (even though he got bullied into it by his mother)or maybe he said something sweet to you like “ you look nice today” something he probably says to a lot of people or maybe wanted you to photocopy something or simply he was just being nice

Then you start thinking about him every time you feel lonely or when your coupled friends are cuddling with their significant others , you imagine him doing all the right things taking you out to dinner, calling you all the time “just to make sure ur alright”  you think of him saying all the right words at the right time he’s always on time picking you up he buys the pretty necklaces you see at Tiffanys but couldn’t afford the poor thing sold his car and worked overtime to get you the pretty things you want and he adores you like Anthony worshiped Cleopatra CUTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!

Sorry to barge in on your imaginary tryst but that perfect guy who is tailored to your every need and whim is not the guy you are thinking of the guy who works with you could be cheap , could be the most unromantic guy in the world and he probably has a gf …..or not you don’t know because your simply in love with an alter ego fantasy version of him

What happens next is the most dangerous part of the story the physical being of your crush is actually available in front of you so your head plays tricks on you and convinces you that he’s the same guy in your head so you begin ……the pursuit

You could waste a few months or maybe years not to mention your self respect and image but that’s not what matters you lose the ability to be pursued, you deny your girly self the girliest of all girly assets …….being the prize of the pursuit

I’ll make things easy for you this is what a guy does when he is NOT interested

1-He stares at you but doesn’t talk to you

2-He dates other girls but not you

3-He gets jealous of other guys attention but doesn’t approach you

4-He doesn’t get you gifts

5-He doesn’t accept your gifts (at all or not very graciously)

6-He doesn’t remember your birthday and if he does it’s usually celebrated with a very late sms or IM

7-He doesn’t call /call regularly (by regularly I mean every day or at least every other day)

8-He might email or bbm or instant message because it’s cheap and easy and he can talk to other girls at the same time (wow I’m so special )

9-He ignores you or is rude to you

10-Occasionally he will do something super nice like ask for a favor or smile or say good morning (wow what a hero *sarcasm dripping all over the place*)

Cue you get ecstatic and all all your friends when he does something trivial like calling you or IMing BOOYOO

Hence an interested Guy:

1-He finds a way to talk to you or call you be it carrier pigeon or handwritten notes , even if you live in a castle guarded by a fire blowing dragon (does no one believe in fairytales anymore) and he probably has you on all forms of communication so he can and will get a hold of you at all times

2-He does NOT date or flirt with other girls AT ALL in front of you or behind your back because he won’t risk losing you

3-He will buy you gifts for any occasion he can find (you might get a gift on labor day and Hannukah too)

4-He will want to talk to you all the time

5-He will want to see you a lot in the place where you meet and out of it

6-He hangs on your every word , doesn’t embarrass you and is never ever rude to you

7-He doesn’t just stare at you he looks at you lovingly and then approaches you

8-He will try to make you his girlfriend/fiancée/wife as soon as possible

9-Hes jealous and acts possessive ad stays around you when he feels threatened by another guy giving you attention

10-He tries to find out more about you and about anything that might be remotely interesting to you

With an interested guy you don’t wonder whether hes interested because it already shows

I think the difference is pretty obvious so if a guy isn’t pulling his weight and coming over to be with you forget him sister and move on make way for your real hero save your dignity and your time because believe me  you would be better off being  in love with Robbie Williams…..

Whip it {Movie Review}

Last night I watched the movie whip it!

Not exactly the type of movie that  you  would add to your “inspiring movies of all time”  list but nevertheless I haven’t been this inspired by a movie since I last saw hitch

I’m not saying I haven’t watched my fair share of profoundly deep movies like temple grandin , steel magnolias and erin brokovitch

But for some reason this atypical teen movie touched me for more reasons than one

The star of the movie Ellen page (star of the movie Juno) is one of my favorite starlets of the moment  , even though she lacks the conventional teen cuteness of her counterparts selena Gomez and emma Watson this girl is in a league of her own reminding me of a younger prettier Jeanine garafallo with her in your face take me as I am attitude

Completely side stepping the importance of her looks Page shows you what shes made of and it goes beyond any type of beauty any girl her age possesses

The movie is about Bliss a 17 year old girl forced by her mother to endure a series of debutant type beauty pageant in the small Texan town of Bodeen feeling like a total misfit amongst her peers especially during pageants bliss discovers a roller derby league in the nearby town of Austin

The details of the storyline are quite irrelevant to me it was the self discovery journey that inspired me the most and a few scenes that really stood out and spoke to me there were three of them:

The first one was the scene where she first encounters the roller derby girls in a shop three girls on rollerskates float in like butterflies to give out fliers advertising the upcoming season , the lovely contrast of their gothic makeup and their loud tattoos with their fluid movement and big hearty smiles gave ME goosebumps and im not in the movie, the look on her face said it all …..this is who I am I can be me with them I can be like them a poetic walking contradiction of everything beautiful brash and ugly rolled into one big ME

The second scene was when her touring musician bf comes to meet her at the tournament after seeing his pictures on his website with another girl wearing the STRYKER tshirt she gave him before he left on tour…..she tells him she had seen the pictures he then tries to explain that the girl had climbed in to their van and threw herself at him ….she stops him and says “I don’t want to be that girl…the girll who stands here listening to you tell me what you DIDN’T do with some idiot” she then gives him a kiss and a slap on the face

Hats off hats off this is how  I think every girl should react to a cheating boyfriend get it all out let him know you realize hes lying check….kiss him good bye check…..revenge SLAP PERFECTION

Last but not least …..so I don’t spoil the movie completely for you her roller derby evil nemesis Juliette Lewis compliments her on a jump she had successfully executed so Bliss answers “maybe ill teach you someday” and they both smile and that’s when it stopped being a competition where they beat each other senseless on the track but  a sisterly camaraderie to teach  each other how to jump over the obstacles in life no matter who won on the track

This movie was funny and deep with out being too serious its about the coming of age of teenagers and wanting to find a place in the world  its not about winning the first place its about feeling that your number one it doesn’t have to be a fancy ivy league university or winning a beauty pageant or sealing a deal it’s about feeling that u matter and that your special even if the rest of the world think your as plain as paper 😀