The anatomy of the female obsession with a man

Remember  when you were a teenager and you had a huge crush on Robbie Williams when he was still with Take That (an extremely famous boy band in the early 90s you probably never heard of if you were born after 85) your room was a shrine of posters you even had them on the ceiling so you could wake up to his face every morning  , you doodled his name and yours together with little hearts and fantasized about your wedding day, you bought all the pop magazines and scanned them for any news of him and of course you would cry your eyes out every time he was linked to some actress or another

Seems pretty harmless right? NOT

As we grow up as girls we spend a lot of our times doing girly things like braiding each other’s hair or trying on different clothes and make up, and part of this growing up process is inevitably BOYS

Some of us were luckier than others and had a real live crush that actually crushed back and asked us out and you had your first “experience” even though now you look back and laugh at how silly and naïve you were it was the experience that shaped how you act around guys forever

For the unlucky ones who didn’t have a guys attention like the rest of her peers and opted for the other option of taking matters into her own hands and finding a crush of her own to harass ahem I mean care for and give attention to…..a celebrity crush was far less dangerous (unless it ended up in jail due to stalking charges but we won’t go that far) than a real live crush on someone you actually know , a student who sat in from of you in class or a colleague at work seems pretty harmless  at first but here’s what happens next

At first you just admire him from afar because he did something cute like help a little old lady cross the road (even though he got bullied into it by his mother)or maybe he said something sweet to you like “ you look nice today” something he probably says to a lot of people or maybe wanted you to photocopy something or simply he was just being nice

Then you start thinking about him every time you feel lonely or when your coupled friends are cuddling with their significant others , you imagine him doing all the right things taking you out to dinner, calling you all the time “just to make sure ur alright”  you think of him saying all the right words at the right time he’s always on time picking you up he buys the pretty necklaces you see at Tiffanys but couldn’t afford the poor thing sold his car and worked overtime to get you the pretty things you want and he adores you like Anthony worshiped Cleopatra CUTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!

Sorry to barge in on your imaginary tryst but that perfect guy who is tailored to your every need and whim is not the guy you are thinking of the guy who works with you could be cheap , could be the most unromantic guy in the world and he probably has a gf …..or not you don’t know because your simply in love with an alter ego fantasy version of him

What happens next is the most dangerous part of the story the physical being of your crush is actually available in front of you so your head plays tricks on you and convinces you that he’s the same guy in your head so you begin ……the pursuit

You could waste a few months or maybe years not to mention your self respect and image but that’s not what matters you lose the ability to be pursued, you deny your girly self the girliest of all girly assets …….being the prize of the pursuit

I’ll make things easy for you this is what a guy does when he is NOT interested

1-He stares at you but doesn’t talk to you

2-He dates other girls but not you

3-He gets jealous of other guys attention but doesn’t approach you

4-He doesn’t get you gifts

5-He doesn’t accept your gifts (at all or not very graciously)

6-He doesn’t remember your birthday and if he does it’s usually celebrated with a very late sms or IM

7-He doesn’t call /call regularly (by regularly I mean every day or at least every other day)

8-He might email or bbm or instant message because it’s cheap and easy and he can talk to other girls at the same time (wow I’m so special )

9-He ignores you or is rude to you

10-Occasionally he will do something super nice like ask for a favor or smile or say good morning (wow what a hero *sarcasm dripping all over the place*)

Cue you get ecstatic and all all your friends when he does something trivial like calling you or IMing BOOYOO

Hence an interested Guy:

1-He finds a way to talk to you or call you be it carrier pigeon or handwritten notes , even if you live in a castle guarded by a fire blowing dragon (does no one believe in fairytales anymore) and he probably has you on all forms of communication so he can and will get a hold of you at all times

2-He does NOT date or flirt with other girls AT ALL in front of you or behind your back because he won’t risk losing you

3-He will buy you gifts for any occasion he can find (you might get a gift on labor day and Hannukah too)

4-He will want to talk to you all the time

5-He will want to see you a lot in the place where you meet and out of it

6-He hangs on your every word , doesn’t embarrass you and is never ever rude to you

7-He doesn’t just stare at you he looks at you lovingly and then approaches you

8-He will try to make you his girlfriend/fiancée/wife as soon as possible

9-Hes jealous and acts possessive ad stays around you when he feels threatened by another guy giving you attention

10-He tries to find out more about you and about anything that might be remotely interesting to you

With an interested guy you don’t wonder whether hes interested because it already shows

I think the difference is pretty obvious so if a guy isn’t pulling his weight and coming over to be with you forget him sister and move on make way for your real hero save your dignity and your time because believe me  you would be better off being  in love with Robbie Williams…..

10 Comments

  • At 2011.04.03 23:22, Jasmine said:

    My friends and I liked Take That in Primary School (and Robbie William’s solo career) and we’re only in our early 20s now. Now I look at him and think, ew haha. I love this post, really cute!

    • At 2011.04.04 05:33, deppy said:

      I like it!

      Also women are not only obsessed with crushes but 90% of them are obsessed with their partners. It is freaking lame and dangerous if you ask me.

      • At 2011.04.04 14:39, rjay said:

        Jasmine I love robbie still heheh but yeah he’s kinda eww now and I think its very unhealthy to b obsessed with nyone or nything

        • At 2011.04.08 14:53, David said:

          Robbie Williams? oh please not again! I’m saying that cause in my state all the girls would die for him. I’m a Robbie williams fan too but not like that. So, womens/girls are too complicated for us. If can anyone understand them please rise your right arm. Great job writer!

          • At 2011.04.08 15:05, rjay said:

            Haha david we barely understan ourselves but I’m planning on pursuing the study of the mechanism of the female emotional so stay tuned for more posts on tha lol

            • At 2011.05.10 20:52, Devil's Mind said:

              No offense, but I think this is the most ignorant post about love ever!!

              • At 2011.05.14 10:54, rjay said:

                @ devil’s mind in what way do u think its ignorant?
                and why do you think its about love? its about being obsessed with someone who doesnt return your feelings

                please discuss i wrote the post by the way so ur criticism is very welcome 😀

                • At 2011.05.24 05:47, Devil's Mind said:

                  My criticism lies in the fact that it misrepresents how emotions are revealed through actions.

                  Numerous examples, but I’ll mention the most obvious:
                  You talk about how to know someone is not interested, and you mention:

                  1-He stares at you but doesn’t talk to you

                  2-He dates other girls but not you

                  4-He doesn’t get you gifts

                  6-He doesn’t remember your birthday and if he does it’s usually celebrated with a very late sms or IM

                  In regards to (1), some people are shy… They might be interested and not make a move. Which means that you have excluded a whole category of people and labeled them as “not interested”.

                  Then gifts and remembering birthdays?! I don’t see how love or interest is manifested in gifts or remembering one’s birthday… You are materializing relationships and making them about stuff and possession. Interest and affection is not something you buy with money or remembering a few dates.

                  —–

                  In the interested section you mention:

                  4-He will want to talk to you all the time

                  6-He hangs on your every word , doesn’t embarrass you and is never ever rude to you

                  8-He will try to make you his girlfriend/fiancée/wife as soon as possible

                  9-Hes jealous and acts possessive ad stays around you when he feels threatened by another guy giving you attention

                  Wants to talk all the time?! So if he was busy with something then he is not interested?! Hangs on every word?! What does that even mean?!

                  And for (8), there is nothing wrong with wanted to take things slow. Being rash and impatient is not really a sign of love. It’s more of a sign of immaturity.

                  And (9), jealousy?! Really?! If someone feels threatened by every guy/girl who talks to you, this more likely means that he/she does not trust you… Rather than love you!

                  —-

                  And that’s just the tip of the iceberg! Sorry for late comment, but you didn’t reply timely, so I thought you might have just ignored my comment.

                  • At 2012.03.06 19:22, Anonymous said:

                    @Devil’s Mind:u r absolutely right. Everything is ironical bout this post. If we men don’t return calls or messages, then we’re freakin’ busy. Don’t u think we’ve got lots of other exciting things to do rather than chasing girls (b-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-ring)? generally we don’t remember important things coz we’ve got tons of thing goin on in our mind

                    • At 2012.03.07 08:31, Rjjay said:

                      @devil’s mind im sorry for the superrrr late comment i wasnt ignoring u this isnt my blog and i saw this accidently now

                      Well i do agree with everything u say but i was just trying to tell me fellow girls that obsessing over someone who isnt interested is dumb and i kind of just said it how i saw it i was more cOncerned abt getting them to see that hes not into themrather than interpret human emition or interaction coz come on have u never had a girl obsessed with u how annoying was that?