Whatever you do, don’t call me a housewife.

But before I go on my rant I have a disclaimer, if you are a housewife and like being called one, good for you, that’s your choice and I respect it, but it is not mine so please respect it too.  Another word of warning, this post is really angry and might have a couple of expletives too.

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Yes I am serious, you may call me a lot of things but don’t you dare call me a housewife, that lands you in black list forever.  Don’t make fun of the things I do, or I will either stop talking to you or will find a way to get back at you.

I am not a housewife, I am not a meek woman with no opinions, I do not enjoy doing housework or keeping the house spotless.  Staying at home raising a child was not really what I wanted to do with my life, and if I could go back and change things I probably would.  I am not the kind of woman who will dreamily tell you that raising kids is hard and that I wouldn’t change it for the world.  I don’t do crap and I don’t do bullshit.  Yes, I knit, I sew, I crochet, I can make pizza from scratch and don’t bake a cake using cake mix.  But that is not what defines me.  For your information, I can also write code, I can disassemble electronic toys and put them back again.  I can fix basic plumbing and wiring problems.  I used to be a systems analyst and I used to be a software developer.

I don’t have a 9 to 5 job, but I run my own design business and it is hard work.  I have to do work just like everyone else but don’t have the luxury of having protected work time to get it all done.  I do it while running errands and taking care of a 4 year old.

Oh and back to that 4 year old.  I am not that awesome at getting rid of the stains from her white t shirts or at cooking vegetables and forcing her to eat them.  I let her draw on her body with felt tip pens, lick the glue stick and glue paper to the wall.  Her room is messy more often than not, with art supplies all over the place.  When she needs help I don’t rush to her side and help her every time, I step back and watch while she struggles until she can do it on her own.  I don’t do it because I am an evil mother, I do it because I am teaching the basic skill of carrying her own weight, which she will need for the rest of her life.  I throw imaginary tea parties to imaginary friends just because I can.  I am not raising a sissy.  I also throw fits when people call her a 3arussa (Egyptian for doll/bride it is usually meant as a term of endearment) because I don’t want her thinking that marriage is a goal in life, it is just a means of life.  I throw fits when people try to tell her she can’t do boy stuff because she is a girl.  She can play with cars and build stuff if that is what floats her boat, no one has the right to tell her what to like and what not to like because of her gender.

I get irritated when people don’t get what I do and instead of asking me to elaborate, they just assume I am a lazy woman who doesn’t want to work. So to them I say SCREW YOU.  To the people who think I drop my daughter off at school and then go home and watch tv all day or sleep until I have to pick her up again.  I get up every day at 5 am, just to get in an hour of work done before she is up.  I get back and do some more work, while juggling laundry, lunch and whatever else needs to be done.

Am I perfect at doing it? No I am not, I struggle every step of the way, but no one is every sympathetic with me.  Oh no, the sympathies are all reserved to the working mother.  I am not bashing the working mother, on the contrary, I just wish people would stop bashing me.

I help my husband with some of his own work, but that’s never really recognized as work either. Because I am just a bloody house wife.

I don’t fit in with the housewives and I don’t fit in with the working women.

The story of my life

I just don’t fit in.

I have my own opinions, ideas, hopes and dreams.  I am not an extension of a child or a husband.  I am my own person.  I don’t understand why that is so hard to understand for some people.  I have never made ma7shi and I don’t intend to.  I won’t waste time in the kitchen that can be better spent elsewhere.

The assumption that I am stupid because I don’t have a 9 to 5 job is the one that infuriates me the most.  When people talk down to me I want to poke their eyes out with a fork.  And when people tell me I am lucky I don’t have to wake up early and go to work every day drives me insane.  I was at an outing yesterday with people I met for the first time, and when I mentioned that I got up at 5 am, they asked me if I worked and when I said no, they asked why would anyone wake up so early if they didn’t have a job. Well that is just it, I do have a job, I work two jobs actually, a full time parent and running my own business. I would get up at 4 if I could, and I just might end up doing that soon because I can’t find enough time in the day to do all the things I want and need to do.  I understand why some people assume that housewives are stupid, I have met many of the stupid ones.  Ones that have no identity, opinions or basic knowledge of a lot of stuff.  And I usually want to kick them into fixing all that because they are going to raise idiot children who will plague us with their idiocy.  I have also met working women who are just as stupid.  Who complain all the time that they are exhausted and that they are swamped with work and that they have no life, some of them too have no opinions and if you listened to them you would assume they just came from under a rock.

To be honest, I don’t really care what other women want to do with their lives, that is their decision, and I don’t think I have any right to judge them.

I just don’t think anyone else has the right to judge me.

15 Comments

  • At 2012.04.21 10:44, Pearlin said:

    Oh Jessy! that was just all my thoughts in a post!! So well written!

    • At 2012.04.22 19:47, jessyz said:

      Thanks Pearlin, it makes me sad when I think of all the amazing women who don’t work out of the house yet are belittled for their choices.

      • At 2012.04.21 13:02, Reema said:

        Stupid is as stupid does as forrest gumps mom would say and she was a snart cookie
        Ur an amazing person whatever u do or say ur opinions and work and the way u rause ur daughter us impressive and respected by the people who really matter ” بعد أمي واختي الباقي جيران”

        • At 2012.04.22 19:49, jessyz said:

          hahaha yes that is true. كلهم جيران

          • At 2012.04.21 14:50, Lasto adri said:

            I feel every word you said ya Jess..
            And I have nothing to say except, you know how to prove yourself different :)

            • At 2012.04.22 19:51, jessyz said:

              Lasto I am flattered, I try :-)

              • At 2012.04.21 22:58, Londoneya said:

                It’s frustrating when people have to scrutinise us and our lives. If it’s not one thing, it’ll be another. I guess we have to stand up to them, make them aware they are out of line, and of course, venting is very therapeutic too. {Hugs}

                • At 2012.04.22 19:52, jessyz said:

                  Hugs are always appreciated. Yes I have decided to stand up to people when they are out of line.

                  • At 2012.04.22 19:03, Nevine said:

                    I think that people just find it easier to stereotype everyone they meet and put them in neat little categories- working mother/neglects children, housewife/lazy, watches Turkish series all day, 30+ single girl/desperate for marriage and will accept any man, hijabi Muslima/too conservative, close minded, non hijabi Muslima/loose morals and doesn’t practice Islam at all.

                    We all suffer from being lumped into one or more unfair categories. What happened to being an individual, with a bit of this and a little of that?

                    Despite all that, I’m sure that if a person who knows you from Twitter could see that you are an intelligent/talented/ hardworking/industrious/great mother then many others who know you will realize this too:)

                    • At 2012.04.22 19:57, jessyz said:

                      Thanks Nevine, it is sad about the stereotyping and while I understand it is always easier to categorize people, maybe if the stereotypes weren’t so negative they wouldn’t feel so offensive.

                      • At 2012.04.22 19:56, Fruitful Fusion said:

                        Excellent excellent excellent post. I loved and could so relate to it. I pretty much don’t fit in anywhere but hey I’m through with thinking about what others think. I found this post so inspiring like that. Thanks so much for.sharing your thoughts.

                        • At 2012.04.22 19:59, jessyz said:

                          I usually don’t care what people think about me. I can’t really remember a time to when I fit in in my entire life, but sometimes it really stings.

                          • At 2012.05.02 10:47, Ann said:

                            Jess, you are trying too hard to make people accept you. Happiness and contentment comes from one trying to accept oneself as one is. And not bothering about what other people think of you. I for one, dont understand why you are so angry. If people say “oh you are so lucky, you dont have to get up early in the morning and deal with all this office crap” have you considered for a moment even, that perhaps it could be truly what they feel? That they would love to also stay home, and do things what and when they want, including working from home or freelance, but certain reasons don’t permit them? It could be monetary, or emotional stemming from a need to be financially independent. Or perhaps, their husbands prefer that they work (which believe me i have seen and heard so many ladies lament). Or, it could be simply that they are more career minded but have to also balance home, though they might not be so inclined to. You should be happy for yourself, and consider yourself blessed for such a lovely and supporting family. Nobody thinks you are stupid. And if anyone has called you that to your face, its perhaps because he or she is a very ill-mannered and uncouth person. The first step is to be happy and accept yourself. You dont have to prove yourself to anyone. And from your rant, it seems you are very unhappy about things. Nobody says you have to be an extension of your husband or your child. But come to think of it, every one who is part of a family is actually an extension of each other, while still being one’s own person. That’s what gives you the feeling of intimacy and belonging. Your job doesn’t define you. Only who you are as a person, does. Figure what it is that is actually bothering you. And you wont be so angry. Regards.

                            • At 2012.05.16 08:46, Q8mommas said:

                              GOOD FOR YOU! Dont feel the need to explain to the world what you are! I hate labels and I admire your work ethics, waking up at 5 and then juggling design work and housework. I also admire the way you don’t BABY your child! It will make her stronger and independent (I try to do this but just fail every time, i admit that i am weak-hearted when it comes to my kids!.)

                              • At 2012.07.09 14:31, Elegant Chic said:

                                Just got back from a mini vacation and happened to go through my Google Reader and saw this post. I know it’s been a couple of months since you wrote this, but I couldn’t resist posting a comment because I loved this post and this is what I have to say…

                                Ditto, Jessyz, ditto!!! I can so relate! This post is like a print version of my mind! :)
                                It’s a crazy world we live in, not exactly one that fosters individualism in the easiest of ways. The greatest accomplishment is to be ourselves in a world that is constantly trying to make us ‘something’/’someone’ else!!! :)

                                Super tight HUGS!!!!!!!!