Kind of weird after smiling right?
Not really, or at least, I don’t think it is weird.
I came across this by chance today on Shrouk‘s blog:
“إن الإستسلام للحزن احيانًا أشجع من مقاومته، بعض الأحزان لم تأتِ لتقاتلنا ، بل لتعتصم حول جراحنا أمام الأقدار .”
— محمد حسن علوان
Which translates into :
“Surrendering to sadness is sometimes braver than fighting it, some sorrows did not come to fight us but to surround (in protest?) our wounds in the face of out fate” by Mohamed Hassan Olwan
It is beautiful isn’t it?
We fight the sadness, we oppose the unhappiness, we resist anything that we think might make us feel sorrowful or upset. It is exactly what I was looking for because I was thinking ( I do a lot of thinking on my own ) about how sometimes our sad mood seem like they do not want to leave us. We fight them, we go out, meet with friends, eat French Fries, buy expensive shoes, and the list goes on but nothing seems to help. We fight the unhappiness instead of embracing it and accepting that it is here as part of the journey. Really, there is nothing wrong with being sad, unhappy or just plain down in the dumps. It is a phase and it will pass. If it doesn’t go see a therapist you might be depressed. In the depths of our souls we need sadness, because without sadness we would not be able to understand happiness. Ramadan is also a good time to sit down and accept the sadness and be grateful for it, as well as being grateful for the good things. That is the basic difference between 7amd and Shukr [الحمد و الشكر] you can only be thankful for good things, but 7amd is for both good and bad.
Hindsight is always 20/20 and if you sit down and look back you will easily find that many things that you considered catastrophes in your life were just speed bumps or road blocks that either slowed you down or made you reroute so you were kept you on the right track.
Give yourself permission to feel sad, accept that being sad is not always a bad thing. Concentrate on things that make you sad, and for each thing I am sure you can find 10 things that make you happy.
What happened with yesterday’s challenge?
It went ok, although I was grumpy for an hour before noon, then thankfully it all went away and now I am back to being cheerful bubbly smiling self.
On a side note, here’s a wonderfully scientific article (with references and sources, because I hate scientific articles without them) about the health benefits of fasting. It mentions health benefits that are rarely mentioned or attributed to fasting so be sure to read it.
The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said: “Charity is prescribed for each descendant of Adam every day the sun rises.” He was then asked: “From what do we give charity every day?” The Prophet answered: “The doors of goodness are many…enjoining good, forbidding evil, removing harm from the road, listening to the deaf, leading the blind, guiding one to the object of his need, hurrying with the strength of one’s legs to one in sorrow who is asking for help, and supporting the feeble with the strength of one’s arms–all of these are charity prescribed for you.” He also said: “Your smile for your brother is charity.” – Fiqh-us-Sunnah, Volume 3, Number 98
Doesn’t get much easier than that.
Just because you are fasting doesn’t mean that smiling will kill you. Wake everyone up with a smile. Serve iftar with a smile. And please please please spread the cheer, please please please spare us your grumpy facebook status updates and tweets. Smile at the kids. Smile at the sales counter lady even if she was slow. Just smile at everyone, smiles are contagious and they are a sunnah.
What happened today with my patience challenge?
If you are curious, I was quite patient, I could have been more patient, but then again it is an ongoing process.
How was your first day of Ramadan?
Well maybe 30 or 29, but let’s not get lost in the details and loose perspective OK?
Also to make things clear, I am a liberal feminist Muslim but we can all agree that Ramadan is a great time for cleansing the self and becoming a better person and a better Muslim. This is my own personal challenge. I like setting goals and I like going after them. This Ramadan, I am going to look for 30 things that I would like to practice every day and I thought of inviting you all to join me. I will be posting my challenge the day before and then I will let you know how it went.
So since tomorrow is the first day of Ramadan (Ramadan Kareem to all of you) my first challenge is patience.
Patience and its derivatives was mentioned 103 times in the Quran
قال تعالى ( البقرة 155 ) : { ولنبلونكم بشيء من الخوف والجوع ونقص من الأموال والأنفس والثمرات وبشر الصابرين }
And certainly, We shall test you with something of fear, hunger, loss of wealth, lives and fruits, but give glad tidings to As-Sabirun (the patient)”. (2:155
Day one is perfect for patience because everyone is so edgy, tired and hungry, not to mention thirsty this year with Ramadan in August. I wasn’t fasting today and everything went exactly opposite to how I wanted it to and by the end of the day I was ready to jump out of the window. If I were a more patient person, days like today might be easier to deal with.
يا رب إرزقني الصبر
God give me patience
As a mother I try really hard to instill the right values in my daughter. It is an ongoing and conscious process that keeps evolving. One of those values I really want to instill in her is gratitude for all the blessing we have. If you have seen the movie or read the book Pollyanna you should be familiar with the Glad Game. Pollyanna would say why she were glad with the things she has even if it were not what she really wanted in the first place. Now this is a lovely game to teach to children, but since my little one is still too young to recognize things like that on her own we play a different game.
For the last couple of nights after lights out and story time we start saying الحمد الله (Thank God) for all the things we are grateful for. I start saying the things we did during the day and the things we have and the things we got. Silly things, big things just anything I think she should be grateful for. For example: Thank God for the wonderful day we had, thank God we have wonderful friends at the nursery, thank God Lulu is healthy, thank God Mummy loves Lulu and Lulu loves Mummy, and I keep going until she falls asleep.
Sometimes she just parrots what I saw and then sometimes she comes up with her own stuff like last night she said thank God for Kitty. Kitty is her favorite Hello Kitty doll who gets dragged around all day and does everything with her.
The exercise is also good for me, because it helps me unwind even when the day has been tough. I am reminded of all the wonderful blessings we have and that they are all gifts from God. They are not rights but favors which are not always permanent but plenty. I felt she had to learn to be thankful to the creator just as she is taught to say thank you to people around her.
What values do you try to instill in your children and how? I would love to get more ideas.
I can across this article about how what you read shapes you, especially women. Go ahead and read it then come back I can wait. I remember reading so many different things as a child but I never really like romantic novels, they were just too mushy wushy for my taste. I don’t remember being a tomboy or boyish, I was just different. I clearly remember reading all of the Asterix and TinTin books I could find at the public library when we lived in Scotland. Before that I remember going through the entire Ramona Quimby series. After that I got interested in Nancy Drew books and the Hardy Boys too. I read every single one I could find. Then somehow I stumbled across the Evil prime minister series. It is about an evil prime minister who hypnotizes the kids to do his bidding and has world domination plans. That lead to trying to sneak into the adult section to read more about hypnosis, the lovely librarian told me it was too complicated a book (I was 10 at the time), but I have always had no doubts about my abilities so I begged to borrow it and she let me. I didn’t understand a thing, but it did start a lifelong interest in all things related to the human brain. Then the crafts books always interested me, Origami, Friendship bracelets, Macrame, and things like that. Totally random things like how to solve a Rubik’s cube and how to learn YoYo tricks too made their way to my reading list. The older I got the wider my range of books became. I would sometimes read romantic novels but never with the fervor some women have towards them. To me they were just like movies, entertainment but not too much value of them to me. But I felt I should read them because everyone else was reading them and raved about them. I went through a phase where I would read the books people recommended because I felt that I should fit in even in my reading. I sometimes read poetry, which I love but can’t read too much of it. My favorite kind of books is still a non fiction book that has lots of information that I can store in my brain. Autobiographies and history books have also been added to my reading list.
So have these books shaped me, or was it the other way round? Was I born this way and chose the books because this is who I truly was? I think the book chooses you because you attract the book.
When I do enjoy a romantic novel it is usually because the heroine is a strong woman who is the hero of her own destiny. But if you really want to know what kind of fiction books I like, I still like things like Harry Potter where you can enter magical worlds where reality does not have to dictate the storyline. Mythical creatures, magic potions and spells. Things that make life less mundane and interesting. Things that you can not compare to your real life and wish you had them, just a good gripping book that makes you happy while you read it. I also love novels which are set in totally different places and eras than mine. I read My name is Red a while back by Orhan Pamuk and felt totally immersed in the different culture of a totally different era. I want to read a book that takes me into a new world and let me walk around and take it all in at my own pace.
And like the author of the article mentioned, the authors of these books usually deal with their own issues thru the characters in their books. Sometimes it is healthy to relate to protagonists and sometimes it is just healthier to look for it elsewhere. After all these characters live only in the confines of the pages of a single book or series of books, but we don’t.
Now that I am older and have less free time to read all the books I want to read I am even pickier. If the book won’t make me happy or help me learn something new I just won’t read it. When I was younger even if I hated a book I would still force myself to read it, now I guiltlessly put a book down and start a new one if I don’t feel I am getting what I want or expect from it.
Growing up I never had many friends so I made friends with my books. It is sometimes thought that the nerdy kids don’t have friends because they lack in social skills, I would like to disagree. Sometimes they just find that the books are more interesting and more accommodating and fulfilling to their needs. Moving a couple of times through childhood it was hard to keep friends, but a book fits into your bag.
I have come full circle my favorite books are the same as when I was 10, I read for my own personal pleasure and my own personal growth. I read because it satisfies a hunger and fills a need. I read because at the end of the day I still haven’t settled down in a single place long enough to make life long friends but I can fit a friend in my bag.
I am still selecting books, but now I am picking out books for my little girl and perhaps my own character will lead me to specific book. Books where girls are strong and can do anything. Books with magnificent creatures and stories. Books with values and morals I would like her to learn for a lifetime. But I still accept the fact that eventually she will make her own choices and perhaps totally different books will choose her, but that’s ok, because I know that the right books will want to be her friend.
Another awesome post by Deppys, I can’t wait for part two of this. Her first post on being a lousy parent was a huge hit, and I am betting this one and it’s sequel will be too.
Have you ever wonder why an outfit just looks great on someone, even though you might not particularly like the clothes? And why another outfit that you like very much can’t actually fits you? Have you ever go crazy hunting high and low to find something that fits and flatters your body. You try this and that, you waste your time and energy just to find the perfect fit, and sometimes your search goes in vain?
Bad news, most of us can’t really recognize the first basics, and instead they go with the trial and error method. We used to dress based on well known facts based on heights and weights, not paying much attention to the secret ingredient. It’s how you ‘body shapes’ looks like; and that is the good news.
Am gonna give you some tips and tricks that you can use in order to recognize your shape and then to learn how to maintain and revamp your style into a personal fab brand new one, right away!
So let’s get started already!
Look at your overall silhouette — the contours of your frame and how your upper and lower half are in-line with each other — to give you an idea on what you’ll have to focus on to look proportional and determine yours out of the main known shapes:
- Hourglass shape.
- Pear shape.
- Rectangle shape.
- Apple shape.
- Inverted Triangle shape.
Hourglass
The classic body shape, it’s considered to be the most ideal body shape because of its proportions. If you’re an hourglass, you have the potential to dress like a luscious Marilyn Monroe or Italian movie-star. In hourglass there is no “dragging point” in your frame that draws too much attention, well, except for your defined feminine waist! And yes, they all come in different sizes.
Call yourself an hourglass if:
- Your shoulders and hips are symmetric.
- You have a full, shapely bust.
- You waist is distinctly defined.
- You have a shapely Legs.
- The waist is 20 cm to 30cm smaller than your hip or bust measurements.
- Your gained weight would distribute evenly right to your curves.
Sisters’ celebrities: Megan Fox, Salma Hayek, Scarlett Johansson, Halle Berry, Kate Winslet and Jessica Biel
aka: triangle, spoon, Bell shape
The shape that you have is a natural womanly body shape. It’s hot and catchy, I bet you got all the stares and whistles; generally most men are attracted to the curves that you have. It’s just a part of our nature.
Call yourself a pear if..
- You have a long or slender neck, and a sloped shoulders.
- Your bust and shoulders are proportionally narrower than your hip-line.
- You have a well-defined waist.
- Maybe your butt is full and curvy.
- Your thighs are likely full or muscular.
- You most likely have a balanced body or short legged vertical body shape.
- Your Bottom size is 2 or more sizes bigger than your top size.
- Your gained weight tends to show up below the waistline around your thighs and hips as opposed to your stomach and mid-section.
Sisters’ celebrities: Oprah, Beyonce, Jennifer Love-Hewitt, Coleen McLoughlin, Shakira and Jennifer Lopez
Rectangle
Currently this shape is the “ideal” shape for today’s top models; many women would kill for your athletic shape. There’s no main area you want to minimize so you can get away with more things than most. However you may crave more curves — an illusion easily created with the right clothing.
Call yourself a rectangle if:
- Your neck is full.
- You have a broad back.
- Your bust is small to medium.
- You have an undefined or little waist definition.
- You may also have a flat bottom.
- Slim long arms and slender lengthy legs.
- Your waist measures from 2.5cm to 20cm smaller than the bust.
- You may look shorter and heavier than you really are.
- You most likely have a balanced body or long legged vertical body shape.
- You wear the same size on your top and bottom halves.
- If you were to gain/lose weight, it would distribute evenly throughout your frame.
- If you are slim you resemble a ruler.
Sisters’ celebrities: Cameron Diaz, Nicole Kidman, Hilary Duff, Sheryl Crow and Rachel Hunter
Inverted triangle
aka: strawberry/ V shape
An athletic body shape; your frame is quite common among catwalk models. And often your type of shape comes with nice, lean legs. This is the second best female shape.
Although the inverted triangle shape is the least common petite figure type, this shape is the envy of others because a full bust and wide shoulders bring emphasis to the top of the figure, rather than the hips and thighs. And yes, they all come in different sizes, as well.
Call yourself an inverted triangle if…
- Your bust and shoulders are proportionally wider than your hips (so-called clothes hanger shoulders), projecting a sporty and athletic physique.
- You have an undefined waists.
- Your hips are narrow.
- You might have slim legs related to this inverted shape.
- You most likely are a long legged vertical body shape with proportionally slim legs.
Sisters’ celebrities: Renee Zellweger, Naomi Campbell, Teri Hatcher and Demi Moore Apple
aka oval/diamond/round
You’re pretty in proportion but tend to have a softer fuller middle without a well-defined waist. You have the overall appearance of being round especially around the waist-line. You might appear top heavy. And your bust and mid-riff might appear bigger than your hips.
Call yourself an apple if:
- You have fuller face and neck.
- Your shoulders are broad.
- You have a fuller Breasts.
- Your waist is undefined.
- Your hips are narrow.
- You have a flat rear end.
- Your legs are sharp.
- Torso and upper body wider than your hips.
- One or two sizes bigger top than bottom.
- When Apples gain weight, they have a tendency to gain in the midsection.
- Usually thinner apple shapes resemble rectangle and inverted triangle because of their wide upper body. But once they gain weight, the fat gets stored around your upper half, making your torso look top-heavy and curvy.
Sisters’ celebrities: Angelina Jolie, Chandra Wilson, Rosie O’Donnell, Jennifer Hudson and Elizabeth Hurley
So, what is your shape?
Stay tuned for the next post…How to flatter the hell out of your body!
Every one (not just women) should have at least one easy go to chocolate cake recipe. Sameeha and I go way back. Really way back when we were in kindergarten, maybe before that. We lived in the same building and were best friends and then both our separate ways when my family moved from Kuwait. Somehow we managed to get back in touch. She is one of the sweetest most genuine people you could ever meet. Bubbly and happy, she might not be as close (she lives on a totally different continent) as I would like but she’s definitely a very very very very close friend.
Easiet Chocalte Cake Ever 
As per everything overwhelming we are experiencing right now fromt he uprising in all the middle east
to the terrifying earthquake and Tsuanami hitting Japan, nothing is better than baking an easy chocalte cake
in a few minutes. Its really simple and I hope you all try it and update me with your feedback.
Ingredients:
————-
1 cup of flour
1 cup of oil
1 cup of sugar
1 cup of milk
2 eggs
2 Table spoons of cocoa
1 teaspoon of vanailla
1 teaspoon of Baking Powder
How:
—–
Using your belnder
1-Mix the oil, milk and the sugar + the cocoa.
2-Set one cup of the above aside.
3-Using the rest in the blender , add the eggs + vanilla, mix together.
4-Mix the dry ingredients < flour + Baking Powder> and then add the above “in number 3″ all together.
5-Bake for 25 minutes in meduim oven.
6-Once out from the oven pour the cup set aside on top.
Bon Appetite.
I can’t remember how I stumbled upon Rasha*’s blog. But I remember being touched by the passion and wealth of emotions. I always feel that she is a realistic dreamer. When I first invited her to post she said she wanted to have her post published on the 21st of March, Mother’s day. So I was expecting a mother related post, but I definitely wasn’t expecting this. Thank you Rasha for such a wonderful post.
All I remember from my childhood is my mom.My mom gave me this; my mom gave me that…my mom talking me out, my mom yelling at me.
My mom was my whole world for a very long time.
She was like any other loving mom but with a twist.
She was the single mom.
And single mothers make double the effort and take double the crap from life. My dad was in Europe most of my childhood and she took every responsibility in the book.
It is not really about feeding and clothing…it is about facing everyday totally alone with no husband to nag to and no father to do the yelling.
She did it all, she disciplined, studied, befriended and yelled…and I remember an occasional 3al2a from time to time mainly infused by fear for me and probably fear from her as she struggled to make me the best girl in my family.
My mom had two targets in mind, my education and my ethics.
She gave me huge books to read since I was a child…she would sit me down with her to watch nady elcinema (ana 2adeema awi  ) and tell me about classic movies and movie stars…and every time I was invited to a friend’s house or to a school trip she would decline and take me out herself to any destination I want…she was over protective and she panicked from anything that would affect my education and my ethics.
I wouldn’t say that being a single mom is extra hard because she had to worry alone about the money, my school or boys who started to interfere in my early teenage years.
Nop, The hardest thing I think she had to go through is being the single woman in a society that alienated divorced women and treated them like khatafeen elregala by default.
Most neighbors avoided us…mothers making their kids avoid playing with me…women giving mom the look because she was prettier than most of them and single.
She had to fight extra hard to keep a formal image so that people would accept me…that was back in the days, can’t say that’s the case now although it happens sometimes.
She avoided parents meetings because after she would attend one, the teachers ask me about her and comment disrespectfully as if I am dumb and can’t hear them…gossip after my mom’s rare visits to my school were unbearable…for me and for her…but she always made it up for me…she would take me out (I loved wimpy) and buy me something I wanted.
She introduced me to responsibility at a very young age…I was 11 or 12 and knew how much we have and what bills we had to pay…when I was 13 I would control the household budget and do the paying and hire a plumber or an electrician to fix something around the house…
when she had lots of money she would lead a life of a millionaire and we she had no money we were very happy to live on a 5 piaster bread and a piece of cheese for months…she taught me to be happy regardless but she was always terrified of the no money phase…I could feel her…I feel her!
My mom did the best she knows how…she wasn’t always wise…but she couldn’t have known it…and she couldn’t have given me more…
When the wheels turned and I had to go through what she went through my heart ached continuously…I promised myself I wouldn’t repeat her mistakes but at the same time I keep wishing I could give my kids a fraction of the devotion she gave me.
I wish my kids love me a fraction of the love I feel for her. She has my utmost respect and cherishing…and regardless of any annoying blasts she some times throws at me J I will always do my very best make her happy and comforted.
Happy mother’s day to all moms and one extra rose to single moms.
Ze2red sent me this lovely post from her comments section that were a reply to this post. The best thing about blogging is the discussion it generates. This is a great example of exactly that. Ze2red thank you very much for sharing this with us.
Go on and read the post first. I can wait.
Did you read it? Ok good, here is the rest of the post
This post was a result of a blogshpere conversation between Ibhog and I. We were discussing the relationships between guys and girls, and what makes it go on or sink down the drain. And this is how it went:
Ibhog: This is exactly, why guys bail on girls. At first, she admires him for being open minded, and that’s very fulfilling for him, but when things get serious (i.e we pass to the life phase of a relationship), he won’t be able to continue, because he’ll get back to his normal self again, which is pretty much out of his hands, it’s imposed by society for the most part, and of course out of him feeling insufficient.
At this point, the girl pulls back too very fast, complicating things. Now, let me tell you that me ‘wanting to be honest with you (as in I accept your conditions)’, rather than me ‘being really honest with you’, are totally different things, but yet they all compose so much of how I care about you and how much I crave you in my life.
Ze2red: The thing about pulling back here, I guess the boy is out of his element at first, he starts liking the girl, falling for her, and at some point in time he thinks, how I ever lived my life without her?. So the first stages of falling in love is imposed, he starts spoiling the girl, it’s true, he is being himself, he is that romantic guy “all in his own way, as long as she is fine with it”, caring too much, being the TENDER man “7ot ta7tha 1000 red line”, caring, loving, and most of all showing her who he really is in a nice way, so she would accept him. The thing is if she does accept him in that phase with all his good and bad. Then for now the deal is sealed.
What changes things is that girls take a longer time to fall in love and out of it, or let’s say get to that Life stage a little later after men do. So what happens that after a while the guy starts heading back to his real life “u actually said that”, what the guys don’t know is the girl at this point gets blur and mixed visions, one moment he is lifting me up high, the next he is totally ignoring me. So she starts wondering, is he falling out of love, and she starts questioning herself, did I do something wrong? Was I rude at some point? Did I get the clues when it was too late? And the relationship starts shaking.
You know why this happened? Because it is so normal for guys to quickly get back to life, and carry on with its pace with absolutely no explanation at all for their reactions. They just disappear like if the world is heading towards and apocalypse and the destiny of mankind is in their hands. Simply girls don’t get that men will sometimes take their distances then come back as much as passionate as before. No one gave us that Guy thinking instruction book. And believe me no one gave guys the Girls emotional manual book either, to give you some hints how girls’ emotions can cause them pain in the ass, and take their minds to places they should never visit.
Girls are so sensitive, and this cause them bad headaches, because they feel that they should interpret each action of their partners’ and that they should be related to them “self centered- I know”, but this is how things go in the very beginning, and it might take those turn again when they are married, if they went through some rough time “either one of them, or both of them”.
A guy simply needs his space, disappear, and head to places where he can find back his peace of mind. Figure things out to be precise. Then he will surface again, and come out of his cave. At this moment the girl would have lost her mind . Disappearing without saying is the worst thing you can do to punish your spouse. She grows tremendously worried, and all kind of bad ideas start flowing in her mind “ma3lesh mewasweseeeen” , so the least you can do is just tell her you need your quality time, if you really made your right choice about your lifetime partner, she will totally understand and frees you away, because she knows deep down you are coming back. Isn’t it all about talking and listing (i.e communication). Just spare her the trouble of thinking she is the reason behind every disappearance you make, the feel of guilt is BAD, it eats her up, kills the good feelings, and will turn your life into hell on earth “ta3lo 3ala nafsoko ya regala, w ray7o demaghko, ento el kasbaneen fel akher”… Guess what, keeping her in the picture (I mean when u are feeling down, not all the time) will make her worried about you, but secured about herself, she will start praying for you from deep down her heart – she loves you – and her prayers might be answered and things work out for your best. All she needs to know, you are physically OK – coz obviously you are not, emotionally – and that you are returning back to her. It’s not hard, believe me. By the way, it’s her right to know you are fine, the same as you like to be updated with her moves so you don’t get worried about her.
So the bottom line is, communication between spouses is a life, marriage, friendship and family savior.
Let us discuss this, what do you all think?
Another interesting post by RJay about hidden blessings
After a month of the Great Egyptian Revolution we are still picking up the pieces of our lives and cleaning up after decades of corruption and every day we hear about more and more secrets coming out
Even though we are all happy to be part of history in the making and being witnesses to a new dawn of Egypt. It’s been hard on all of us with the absence of police , the rumors and the so called anti revolution we are all stressed and scared but hopeful
A lot of good has come out in this country politically speaking and socially speaking that we all know and are proud of
To lighten up the moods I thought I would list the things I personally think were a positive outcome of the revolution due to the curfew
1-We’re saving a lot of money since no one is going out
2-Spending a lot of quality time with your family since you’re stuck at home
3-My skin and hair has never looked so good since all I do at home is try out all the homemade masks I can think of
4-Broke my record of reading 2 300 page books in one night and working my way thru another two
5-I use the phone home instead of my cell phone and have socialized with a lot of people I hadn’t talked to in a while
6-Facebook has actually become a legit source of comprehensive world news not just a place to check out new sources of gossip
7-My culinary skills have improved greatly I can actually make perfect fatta now
8-I’m starting to re-prioritize a lot of things in my life
9- I don’t want to immigrate any more
10-Finishing up all my pending hand craft projects like my paint by numbers and some random sewing
Last but not least Ive learnt to count my blessings especially the security we all felt that didn’t make us think twice about going out at night or going out at all
To a new Egypt …any price is worth it
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