Two days ago Juka was wondering if we gave up instant messaging would we still be friends? I think so because well if we gave up instant messaging we might not have a way to communicate. I am guessing that our parents knew less people than we did and were much less connected than we are. Mainly because if they didn’t see someone regularly that person just fell off their radar and lost touch with them. Maybe our relationships are more superficial than their friendships but I am still sure that each one of us has close friends and family members with deeper connections just like our older generation did. I think change is inevitable and the best thing to do is to embrace it.
I also love the fact that I can connect with people I might never have been able to with the use of technology. My favorite example here is that I am following my favorite authors on Twitter. I most probably will never really be friends with them but I do have a good chance on interacting with them.
My daughter and mother can talk to each other everyday and see each other using a web camera. If we didn’t have that or if we decided to stop using IM two generations would not be able to connect. I think that IM, social networks and other communications technologies are not the reason for the change in our social behavior but lots of other factors need to be accounted for to be able to find something to blame the changes on. It is also a choice. People who choose to connect with the people around them still get that, those who don’t get less meaningful and not so deep relationships.
I went off on a tangent, Juka mentioned something about people being fake online and I went on thinking about it. Do we create fake alter egos for ourselves that we think look better to the outside world or are we just trying to project how we really just want the world to perceive us. I think that even in the real world we are guilty of trying to look different to the world than we really are. But is that a bad thing? Isn’t it part of personal development and growth to be better people? Isn’t that where the phrase “fake it till you make it” comes from? If you start acting like something you can eventually be that thing. Of course the extreme case would be the protagonist in the movie Catch me if you can, but I am talking about everyday normal folk.
I am aware of the persona I use on this blog. It is almost a mirror image of my real character and I am sure that the people who know me really well can attest to that. The differences lie in where I draw the line to my personal privacy. I still have a really huge personal space bubble in real life but it’s bigger online because well of security reasons.
In general I like the world to think of me as a happy, easy going, relaxed and interesting person. I like to think that is who I am too. Most of the time I am, but there are times when I am stressed out, unhappy or really boring, why should the world see that? Or should they?
I don’t know, but I am sure I like to keep my issues to myself until I’ve figured out a way to deal with them. It’s not an attempt to trick anyone or pretending to be someone I am not.
On another note, don’t we all play different roles depending on our setting? Are you the exact same person with your parents, friends, cousins, coworkers, boss, etc? I don’t think so.
Woowoo, Woo for short is Lulu’s favorite toy. I think he’s not a toy to her he’s her friend. Woowoo is a plush baby harp seal. Woo is her constant companion and she is so attached to the little bugger it is weird. He has lost his nose and is dirty and stained all over, but he is very loved. She hugs him, chews on his nose and tries to feed him. She wakes up and looks around for him if he’s not in her crib and holds on to him while she’s falling asleep. Woo accompanies us on shopping trips and has even been to the beach. She even asks for him while she’s in the bath but that’s rubber duck time which she calls Battah now and makes sure that Battah is in the bath whenever she goes into the bathroom.
The interesting thing is that Woo was a hand me down toy, my sister in law showed up one day with a huge bag of toys which her kids had outgrown and there were two baby seals in the bag, a clean one and Woo. Lulu decided instantaneously that Woo was hers. She knows they are alike but understands that Woo is Woo. The other one is called “2ottah” like any other plush animal that she doesn’t know what to call. Since she’s little Daddy’s girl, he has gotten her tons of little cute plushes and soft toys and tried to make her take an interest in them instead of Woo but since she IS Daddy’s little girl she is also very stubborn. Last week we were in Toys’R'Us and he tried to convince her to choose a toy. He tried kittens, puppies, Looney Toons characters, Sesame Street characters, dolls and bunnies. She would look at them curiously for a while then look around for Woo and then start asking for him. He tried again this weekend at Ikea but gave up much faster because he already knew that she just loves her Woo.
She named him Woowoo, and when she asks for him at home we go around saying “Wooowoo where are you?” for a couple of minutes, looking under chairs and tables until we find him. This makes her giggle like crazy.
It’s an interesting love affair. I have had to retrace my steps so many times because when I strap her in her car seat and she looks around for him and we realize that he must have fallen somewhere while we were walking around and we go back looking for him.
So if you see a grown woman frantically calling for Woo and looking for a really beaten down white seal, don’t think she is crazy. She is just a mother who is in love with her daughter, who is in love with Woo.
guilt-trip(gĭlt’trĭp’) tr.v. guilt-tripped, guilt-trip·ping, guilt-trips Informal
To make or try to make (someone) feel guilty. Guilt tripping is a form of emotional bullying. Guilt Trippers know how to push your buttons correctly to make you feel guilty, bullying you into doing something they know you don’t want to do or to just make you feel bad (yes some people are like that).
Guilt tripping is a relationship wrecker. A Guilt Tripper is a person who sends you on one way guilt trips all the time, it is just their way of dealing with things. We all occasionally guilt people into doing things but the GT is in a totally different level than the rest of us (guilt is a very powerful emotion).
How to spot a guilt trip in the making?
The GT will use accusatory language with black or white statements such as: ‘You always do this to me!’ or ‘Why don’t you ever help me?’ and ‘How could you just go off and enjoy yourself when you know I’ve got all this to do?’
They will talk about things ‘not being fair’ and compare your behavior with other people to the way they feel you treat them. For example: ‘How come it’s ok for you to help them but not me?’ or ‘Why is it that you listen to everyone else’s ideas but not mine?’
The guilt tripper will exaggerate your role in things and over blame you. This amounts to threatening behavior. They may say stuff like: ‘If we are late for the movie it will be all your fault!’, or ‘I hope you are satisfied now you’ve ruined my entire life!’
Guilt trippers are drama queens and talk dramatically. The most immature and dramatic sentiment expressed is the: ‘You’ll be sorry when I’m gone!‘ or ‘When I’m dead and buried at least you want have to worry about me any more!‘
It’s one thing have a guilt tripper in your life but it’s another to have your behavior and emotions controlled by them.
Guilt trippers are all ‘me, me, me!’ Guilt tripping is selfish behavior and you may have noticed that any non-selfish behavior is then used for their own gain, never letting you forget what they’ve done or suffered for others.
Guilt trippers may have real hardships but then they use these to manipulate others. We may find ourselves making excuses for them such as: ‘Well Sally did have that divorce and she has got that ill child‘. However is ‘Sally’ using these things to control you? If she is then her behavior still needs dealing with, despite any real difficulties in her life.
How not to go there?
Since you don’t want to buy a one way ticket to Guilty land your first thing to do when you realize you are being guilt tripped, is to take ownership of your actions and feelings and to empower yourself. You have to remind yourself that this person is dramatic and that if you need to do something do it while reminding yourself that it is in your own interest to get this task done and that you are doing it for the right reasons instead of being bullied into it. Remind yourself of your good actions and intentions and do the right thing. Usually GT are good people who want something good and if they are people close to you then you will have to learn to deal with them. Talk to them when they are calm, explain what they do and how it affects you and clearly explain what you would like them to change. Promise to do things differently if they will do things differently.
If this person is just an acquaintance why not just cut them off? Who needs this emotional blackmail all the time?
How do you deal with guilt trips and the people behind them?
We go through life meeting lots of people. Some make you happy, some make you smile, some can be counted and then there are some whom you would rather not have ever met. There are lots of reasons that would make you want to avoid meeting certain people like they are mean or evil. Mainly though I am talking about personality types which are difficult to deal with and just better to be avoided all together. Sometimes it takes some time before we realize a person we know is on the bad list. Some of us take longer than others to connect the dots.
Horrible Personality Number One : Two Faced Back Stabbers
Two faced back stabbers are public enemy number 1. They are nice to you and then turn around and say the worse things ever about. We all are polite to most people and might be inclined to say mean things when we are with people whom we trust but the TFBS personality usually does this all the time and have another agenda.
Catching One
Just by observing them you can find them, they say they hate someone and then they turn around and are super nice to them. You think they are best friends with someone else and then they turn around and gossip about them. Some two faced backstabbers are smart and do these things subtly but if you concentrate you can usually catch them red handed.
How to deal with backstabbers
First of all you have to understand that you are not immune to them, just because they act like they respect you and swear they would never gossip about you don’t beleive them. The best way to deal with them is to stay away from them. The problem is that sometimes you might not have that option. Once you have been backstabbed you always have the option of confrontation, people who feel the need to act that way are usually cowards and can be scared off by just telling them that you know what they’re doing, of course they will deny but it will stop them for some time. I find that the best way is to not tell them anything, not to get close and to keep all conversations to a minimum of small talk. Never ever go down to their level and backstab back, that’s just petty not to mention makes you a TFBS. Avoid private time with them if you can too, be cordial and polite but don’t get sucked into the little soap operas that seem to always unfold around them. Stay away from situations where that person gossips and make it clear that you don’t want to listen to them talking about someone else in a way that is not nice. If you can’t stay away ignore them and never agree with them or offer your opinion on someone else or they will turn around, twist your words and use them against you somehow, they are double crossers by definition.
How do you deal with the TFBS people in your life?
Today is Day 12 of the No TV Experiment in our home. On Tuesday the 13th of January we turned the TV off in an attempt to keep it switched off forever. We have managed to live without it for 12 days except for 10 minutes last Thursday, when my husband decided he really really wanted to watch the News and then I tricked him and turned it off again. The decision was based on an article I read about how television affects the ability of children to communicate among other things. It stated that children under two who watched more than two hours of television a day spoke less words than children who watched less than two hours a day. The thing is, my daughter didn’t really watch television, but would be in the room while it was turned on. I would let her watch some Baby Einstein so that I could take a shower or cook a meal. She loved it, she would sit and concentrate and wave at the pretty pictures and dance to the slow music. I thought it was a babysitter in the tube that I could rely on for 10 minutes of baby free time. She would also watch Fatafeat with me for cooking inspiration but it didn’t seem to entertain her that much. I would also sometimes let her watch Sesame Street because I thought she would catch on to the words and numbers. Before I gave birth I had this crazy idea that I would not let her watch at all, but in desperation I ended up letting her watch. The real problem is not the children friendly kind of programming but that she would be present when we watched the news and other blood pressure increasing shows. I know she doesn’t understand but I am sure she could sense us tense up. The other factor that made me take the decision was that she was having trouble sleeping and would be so excited and refuse to fall asleep even though her eyes would close on their own and she would rub them for hours before she would surrender to the bed. My husband, would also sit in front of all of the depressing shows and channel surf for hours instead of doing anything useful and would end up getting agitated from all of the negativity. Personally, I am not much of a TV person, I do enjoy the odd show or documentary here and there but I usually download what I want to see and just see that.
So, in light of everything, the decision to try TV free living was an easy one and was met by minimal oposition from all parties involved. I think I am ready to make some conclusions regarding this experiment.
It really helped my daughter sleep better when we stopped watching TV.
My husband and I have more conversations which are deeper and more interesting.
We are all more relaxed at home.
My daughter is learning to entertain herself on her own for longer periods of time.
I enjoy more play time with my daughter.
My husband plays more with our daughter when he is at home and loves entertaining her with puppets and toys.
We are all more aware of each other’s feelings and needs.
We watch only what we want on the DVD player without the silly ads and are more selective in our viewing.
We are generally eating less and have less late night cravings.
I know that this is not for everyone and that eventually we will watch some television but the main idea is to minimize it as much as possible because life really is more interesting without TV.
An optimist stays up until midnight to see the new year in, a pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves and a realist doesn’t need to stay up because he knows that the old year will leave and the new year will start.
Almost everyone and their brother has a 2008 roundup of events post, a bye bye 2008 post, you suck 2008 post or a hello 2009 post. I keep thinking what was 2008 to me and then I realize right now my milestones are monthly and the month starts on the 20th in reference to my daughter’s birth date. It’s not that I think my life started when she was born or that it ended for that matter, it is just an easier milestone to follow. I am just counting baby milestones and encouraging, nourishing and teaching her new tricks. The outside world exists and matters and 2009 will start tonight whether I like it or not. I don’t make new year’s resolutions because I make them every night, I try to think of the day and think of what I could have done better and resolve to do more of it or less of the things I should not have done. Some days I am just glad the day is over and that the next will be a fresh start. Instead of resolutions I am sharing my wishes for 2009.
I wish 2009 will be a good year for everyone. I wish everyone would think before they acted and choose to do the good thing.
I wish 2009 will be a right year for everyone. I wish everyone would think before they acted and choose to do the right thing.
I wish 2009 will be a green year and that everyone will try to be more environmentally friendly because we don’t want to live in a polluted ugly world.
I wish 2009 will be a caring year. That everyone will go the extra mile for the people they care for and will pick up the phone and call their loved ones and let them know they care.
I wish 2009 will be a conscientious year. Listen to your conscience it might tell you what you need to do.
I wish 2009 will be a humane year.
I wish 2009 will be a beautiful year for everyone. Make an effort to bring beauty into your lives.
I wish 2009 will be a forgiving year for everyone. That it might forgive us for our mistakes in 2008 and that we forgive those who have wronged us.
I wish 2009 will be a patient year for everyone. Patience for our shortcomings and those around us.
I wish 2009 will be a positive year for everyone. Positivity is what helps us keep going.
I wish 2009 will be a hopeful year for everyone. Hope for a better future. Hope that you can change the world even if it will take one small step at a time.
I wish 2009 will be a year of change for everyone. Change bad habits into better ones.
I wish 2009 will be a year of health for everyone.
I wish 2009 will be a productive year for everyone. Work hard, play well and enjoy life.
I wish 2009 will be a year of growth for everyone. Grow old gracefully, grow emotionally, mentally and financially. For those little ones may you grow taller and stronger each day.
I wish 2009 will be a educational year for everyone. Learn from your mistakes and move on. Take that language course or a pottery class. Learn a new word every day.
Motherhood is an awesome thing, really, it is. Having a baby changes everything, really, it does. There were so many things I took for granted before I had my daughter. I sometimes miss them but sometimes I’m too sleep deprived and totally numb to care.
Sleeping in. Sleeping in general takes a back seat to caring for a baby. They wake up at night and need stuff like nursing, diaper changes or just a cuddle. I sometimes am amazed how my body can sometimes manage on a couple of hours of sleep for days.
Going out in 5 minutes. Now it takes 45 minutes. Change diaper, feed baby, make sure diaper bag has everything, change clothes, comb hair (I guess this is why bald babies need less time to go out), change diaper again, find the missing hair clip, comb hair again, find missing sock under the sofa, put on said sock and shoes, find keys, find wallet, find cell phone. Mommy then needs to get into clean clothes and we can leave the house. In the car you need another 10 minutes to put baby in the car seat especially if said baby has learned how to wiggle out of the harness.
Going wherever you want. I haven’t been to the movies in 10 months. I really would love to see a movie, but I don’t want to annoy everyone else with a crying baby and I don’t want to have to get up and take her our if she cries and miss all of the nice bits in the movie. God bless DVDs.
Traveling light. Diaper bag, mommy bag, toys, food, stroller and that’s only what you need for a quick pop to the shops.
Being selfish. Yes, being selfish was fun.
Me time. Just sitting and chilling out is something I miss. Babies seem to have this internal system that lets them know when you need to relax and they suddenly need to play and make a mess.
Manicures and pedicures. I still occasionally manage to go and get one but they are very few and far between.
Clutter free living. I have two toy boxes (well one box and one big fish looking bucket) but still some toys find their way under the coffee table, in our bed and in the kitchen. I make a big deal of teaching my daughter that the toys need to sleep in their boxes hopefully that one day she will learn to do it herself.
Getting sick. Getting sick is a luxury because who will do all of the things mommy does for baby? Once I figure out who can do them I will get sick.
Driving recklessly. Driving was something I never imagined would have changed because I am more or less a safe driver but now I drive much slower and always feel like I need to be extra careful.
On a more positive note, I get to watch lots of Sesame Street.
Growing up, my sister and I played lots of board games. I just saw an ad for the Guess Who game a couple of days ago and remembered all of the games we used to play together. Nostalgia big time.
Guess Who. You had to guess the person the other person is by asking yes/no questions before they guess who you are. It was a fun game, using logical elimination from the answers. I guess the grown up version could be making your own personalized version.
Monopoly. One of my all time favorites. My parents got this when I had removed my tonsils, so I remember it and the ice cream I got to eat. This one is more fun as u grow older because you understand the strategy aspect of it better.
Battleship. My sister and I would play this in the car on long trips.
Scrabble. I am a word lover so natural Scrabble is another favorite. I even enjoy playing solitaire or online Scrabble.
Operation. My dad was an orthopedic surgeon and we would nag him to play with us. My favorite on was the “funny bone”
CRISTINA: “There’s a club. The Dead Dads Club. And you can’t be in it until you’re in it. You can try to understand, you can sympathize. But until you feel that loss… My dad died when I was nine. George, I’m really sorry you had to join the club.”
GEORGE: “I… I don’t know how to exist in a world where my dad doesn’t.”
CRISTINA: “Yeah, that never really changes.”
Today is Day 12 of the No TV Experiment in our home. On Tuesday the 13th of January we turned the TV off in an attempt to keep it switched off forever. We have managed to live without it for 12 days except for 10 minutes last Thursday, when my husband decided he really really wanted to watch the News and then I tricked him and turned it off again. The decision was based on an article I read about how television affects the ability of children to communicate among other things. It stated that children under two who watched more than two hours of television a day spoke less words than children who watched less than two hours a day. The thing is, my daughter didn’t really watch television, but would be in the room while it was turned on. I would let her watch some Baby Einstein so that I could take a shower or cook a meal. She loved it, she would sit and concentrate and wave at the pretty pictures and dance to the slow music. I thought it was a babysitter in the tube that I could rely on for 10 minutes of baby free time. She would also watch Fatafeat with me for cooking inspiration but it didn’t seem to entertain her that much. I would also sometimes let her watch Sesame Street because I thought she would catch on to the words and numbers. Before I gave birth I had this crazy idea that I would not let her watch at all, but in desperation I ended up letting her watch. The real problem is not the children friendly kind of programming but that she would be present when we watched the news and other blood pressure increasing shows. I know she doesn’t understand but I am sure she could sense us tense up. The other factor that made me take the decision was that she was having trouble sleeping and would be so excited and refuse to fall asleep even though her eyes would close on their own and she would rub them for hours before she would surrender to the bed. My husband, would also sit in front of all of the depressing shows and channel surf for hours instead of doing anything useful and would end up getting agitated from all of the negativity. Personally, I am not much of a TV person, I do enjoy the odd show or documentary here and there but I usually download what I want to see and just see that.
Find me elsewhere