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Well maybe 30 or 29, but let’s not get lost in the details and loose perspective OK?
Also to make things clear, I am a liberal feminist Muslim but we can all agree that Ramadan is a great time for cleansing the self and becoming a better person and a better Muslim. This is my own personal challenge. I like setting goals and I like going after them. This Ramadan, I am going to look for 30 things that I would like to practice every day and I thought of inviting you all to join me. I will be posting my challenge the day before and then I will let you know how it went.
So since tomorrow is the first day of Ramadan (Ramadan Kareem to all of you) my first challenge is patience.
Patience and its derivatives was mentioned 103 times in the Quran
قال تعالى ( البقرة 155 ) : { ولنبلونكم بشيء من الخوف والجوع ونقص من الأموال والأنفس والثمرات وبشر الصابرين }
And certainly, We shall test you with something of fear, hunger, loss of wealth, lives and fruits, but give glad tidings to As-Sabirun (the patient)”. (2:155
Day one is perfect for patience because everyone is so edgy, tired and hungry, not to mention thirsty this year with Ramadan in August. I wasn’t fasting today and everything went exactly opposite to how I wanted it to and by the end of the day I was ready to jump out of the window. If I were a more patient person, days like today might be easier to deal with.
يا رب إرزقني الصبر
God give me patience
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As a mother I try really hard to instill the right values in my daughter. It is an ongoing and conscious process that keeps evolving. One of those values I really want to instill in her is gratitude for all the blessing we have. If you have seen the movie or read the book Pollyanna you should be familiar with the Glad Game. Pollyanna would say why she were glad with the things she has even if it were not what she really wanted in the first place. Now this is a lovely game to teach to children, but since my little one is still too young to recognize things like that on her own we play a different game.
For the last couple of nights after lights out and story time we start saying الحمد الله (Thank God) for all the things we are grateful for. I start saying the things we did during the day and the things we have and the things we got. Silly things, big things just anything I think she should be grateful for. For example: Thank God for the wonderful day we had, thank God we have wonderful friends at the nursery, thank God Lulu is healthy, thank God Mummy loves Lulu and Lulu loves Mummy, and I keep going until she falls asleep.
Sometimes she just parrots what I saw and then sometimes she comes up with her own stuff like last night she said thank God for Kitty. Kitty is her favorite Hello Kitty doll who gets dragged around all day and does everything with her.
The exercise is also good for me, because it helps me unwind even when the day has been tough. I am reminded of all the wonderful blessings we have and that they are all gifts from God. They are not rights but favors which are not always permanent but plenty. I felt she had to learn to be thankful to the creator just as she is taught to say thank you to people around her.
What values do you try to instill in your children and how? I would love to get more ideas.
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I can across this article about how what you read shapes you, especially women. Go ahead and read it then come back I can wait. I remember reading so many different things as a child but I never really like romantic novels, they were just too mushy wushy for my taste. I don’t remember being a tomboy or boyish, I was just different. I clearly remember reading all of the Asterix and TinTin books I could find at the public library when we lived in Scotland. Before that I remember going through the entire Ramona Quimby series. After that I got interested in Nancy Drew books and the Hardy Boys too. I read every single one I could find. Then somehow I stumbled across the Evil prime minister series. It is about an evil prime minister who hypnotizes the kids to do his bidding and has world domination plans. That lead to trying to sneak into the adult section to read more about hypnosis, the lovely librarian told me it was too complicated a book (I was 10 at the time), but I have always had no doubts about my abilities so I begged to borrow it and she let me. I didn’t understand a thing, but it did start a lifelong interest in all things related to the human brain. Then the crafts books always interested me, Origami, Friendship bracelets, Macrame, and things like that. Totally random things like how to solve a Rubik’s cube and how to learn YoYo tricks too made their way to my reading list. The older I got the wider my range of books became. I would sometimes read romantic novels but never with the fervor some women have towards them. To me they were just like movies, entertainment but not too much value of them to me. But I felt I should read them because everyone else was reading them and raved about them. I went through a phase where I would read the books people recommended because I felt that I should fit in even in my reading. I sometimes read poetry, which I love but can’t read too much of it. My favorite kind of books is still a non fiction book that has lots of information that I can store in my brain. Autobiographies and history books have also been added to my reading list.
So have these books shaped me, or was it the other way round? Was I born this way and chose the books because this is who I truly was? I think the book chooses you because you attract the book.
When I do enjoy a romantic novel it is usually because the heroine is a strong woman who is the hero of her own destiny. But if you really want to know what kind of fiction books I like, I still like things like Harry Potter where you can enter magical worlds where reality does not have to dictate the storyline. Mythical creatures, magic potions and spells. Things that make life less mundane and interesting. Things that you can not compare to your real life and wish you had them, just a good gripping book that makes you happy while you read it. I also love novels which are set in totally different places and eras than mine. I read My name is Red a while back by Orhan Pamuk and felt totally immersed in the different culture of a totally different era. I want to read a book that takes me into a new world and let me walk around and take it all in at my own pace.
And like the author of the article mentioned, the authors of these books usually deal with their own issues thru the characters in their books. Sometimes it is healthy to relate to protagonists and sometimes it is just healthier to look for it elsewhere. After all these characters live only in the confines of the pages of a single book or series of books, but we don’t.
Now that I am older and have less free time to read all the books I want to read I am even pickier. If the book won’t make me happy or help me learn something new I just won’t read it. When I was younger even if I hated a book I would still force myself to read it, now I guiltlessly put a book down and start a new one if I don’t feel I am getting what I want or expect from it.
Growing up I never had many friends so I made friends with my books. It is sometimes thought that the nerdy kids don’t have friends because they lack in social skills, I would like to disagree. Sometimes they just find that the books are more interesting and more accommodating and fulfilling to their needs. Moving a couple of times through childhood it was hard to keep friends, but a book fits into your bag.
I have come full circle my favorite books are the same as when I was 10, I read for my own personal pleasure and my own personal growth. I read because it satisfies a hunger and fills a need. I read because at the end of the day I still haven’t settled down in a single place long enough to make life long friends but I can fit a friend in my bag.
I am still selecting books, but now I am picking out books for my little girl and perhaps my own character will lead me to specific book. Books where girls are strong and can do anything. Books with magnificent creatures and stories. Books with values and morals I would like her to learn for a lifetime. But I still accept the fact that eventually she will make her own choices and perhaps totally different books will choose her, but that’s ok, because I know that the right books will want to be her friend.
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As someone who has a perfectionist for a mother, I’m quite used to hearing a constant barrage of comments about my weight , my skin, my career and my single status
Even though my mother means well and she’s a sweetheart who has helped mold me and my sister IMHO to be amazing people (heheh very humble of me), it still sometimes hurts but there is a bright side , criticism is the best and most direct way to self improvement , I realized that after meeting people who were brought up with mothers and fathers who never criticized even when their kid was doing something extremely stupid so I know I don’t say this enough but I really do appreciate my mother very much 
However , even when it comes from the one person who loves you the most in the world it does sting a bit but to get the best out of a critical comment without breaking your psyche into tiny pieces here’s how to deal with it
Know your critic
There’s a huge difference between the abusive bf who told you you were fat even when your ribs stuck out, or a jealous colleague who told you that you dress slutty even when you were pregnant and only wore dungarees and someone who actually cares like a family member or a close friend who has proven to you over time and experience that they have your best interest at heart
Even then not all of their criticism is valid it could still be their own point of view and is irrelevant to you
Listen carefully to what people say and how they say it and measure their genuinity without emotions then think about it calmly and rationally and evaluate if this is something you personally think is something you would like to improve
The unwanted criticism
After listening and knowing who NOT to listen to this is how to deal
When someone makes fun of you or criticizes you to put you down the first thing you must know about this person is they are insecure and feed on making other people feel bad so these are the rules
1-Do not answer back with a criticism of your own its mean and makes you look petty and starts a hostile war that you might not be able to sustain
2-Do not show any emotional reaction of being hurt or of being weakened by this verbal attack , if you can ignore it and look at the person directly as if they just asked you what time it is? Do that , not only will they feel bad that they put themselves in a bad situation of seeming like a bully they also realize they have no hold on you .Reacting means the bully won
3-Do not talk to them about it or tell someone to tell them to stop it, only of course in the case of an unwanted critic who you know has other motives to criticize
However in the case of the stupid friend ( the one who has a case of foot in mouth disease) and means no harm in telling you repeatedly that you look tired and have dark circles under your eyes , you can always tell her gently but firmly on the spot to quit it
The “good intention” critic
After establishing and filtering out the wrong type of critics you are left with the people who care
They do care but they don’t necessarily care to mince their words , if you have a friend who does this a lot at first try to take an objective look at the words and incorporate them into you self improvement plan without losing faith in yourself
You could gently tell the person to choose another way to criticize you like writing you a list in bullets to avoid hurtful comments and to protect you from being hurt by the way they choose to hand you the criticism , it’s also a good way to take control of the situation
You have probably noticed that I haven’t told you to tell the person to stop criticizing you regardless whether it Is wanted or unwanted criticism
The answer is simple Ive met a lot of people in my life who are very good at shutting out any type of opinion or comment on any personal or professional issue , even though these people are blissfully “criticism free” they live on with their faults and people choose to avoid them rather than have to deal with their annoying perks (and we all have them no matter how awesome you are)
Last but not least these are the affirmations you need to tell yourself after criticism
1-I am amazing but have room for improvement
2-Fault in action is not fault in character
3-I am loved and cherished
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Remember when you were a teenager and you had a huge crush on Robbie Williams when he was still with Take That (an extremely famous boy band in the early 90s you probably never heard of if you were born after 85) your room was a shrine of posters you even had them on the ceiling so you could wake up to his face every morning , you doodled his name and yours together with little hearts and fantasized about your wedding day, you bought all the pop magazines and scanned them for any news of him and of course you would cry your eyes out every time he was linked to some actress or another
Seems pretty harmless right? NOT
As we grow up as girls we spend a lot of our times doing girly things like braiding each other’s hair or trying on different clothes and make up, and part of this growing up process is inevitably BOYS
Some of us were luckier than others and had a real live crush that actually crushed back and asked us out and you had your first “experience” even though now you look back and laugh at how silly and naïve you were it was the experience that shaped how you act around guys forever
For the unlucky ones who didn’t have a guys attention like the rest of her peers and opted for the other option of taking matters into her own hands and finding a crush of her own to harass ahem I mean care for and give attention to…..a celebrity crush was far less dangerous (unless it ended up in jail due to stalking charges but we won’t go that far) than a real live crush on someone you actually know , a student who sat in from of you in class or a colleague at work seems pretty harmless at first but here’s what happens next
At first you just admire him from afar because he did something cute like help a little old lady cross the road (even though he got bullied into it by his mother)or maybe he said something sweet to you like “ you look nice today” something he probably says to a lot of people or maybe wanted you to photocopy something or simply he was just being nice
Then you start thinking about him every time you feel lonely or when your coupled friends are cuddling with their significant others , you imagine him doing all the right things taking you out to dinner, calling you all the time “just to make sure ur alright” you think of him saying all the right words at the right time he’s always on time picking you up he buys the pretty necklaces you see at Tiffanys but couldn’t afford the poor thing sold his car and worked overtime to get you the pretty things you want and he adores you like Anthony worshiped Cleopatra CUTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!
Sorry to barge in on your imaginary tryst but that perfect guy who is tailored to your every need and whim is not the guy you are thinking of the guy who works with you could be cheap , could be the most unromantic guy in the world and he probably has a gf …..or not you don’t know because your simply in love with an alter ego fantasy version of him
What happens next is the most dangerous part of the story the physical being of your crush is actually available in front of you so your head plays tricks on you and convinces you that he’s the same guy in your head so you begin ……the pursuit
You could waste a few months or maybe years not to mention your self respect and image but that’s not what matters you lose the ability to be pursued, you deny your girly self the girliest of all girly assets …….being the prize of the pursuit
I’ll make things easy for you this is what a guy does when he is NOT interested
1-He stares at you but doesn’t talk to you
2-He dates other girls but not you
3-He gets jealous of other guys attention but doesn’t approach you
4-He doesn’t get you gifts
5-He doesn’t accept your gifts (at all or not very graciously)
6-He doesn’t remember your birthday and if he does it’s usually celebrated with a very late sms or IM
7-He doesn’t call /call regularly (by regularly I mean every day or at least every other day)
8-He might email or bbm or instant message because it’s cheap and easy and he can talk to other girls at the same time (wow I’m so special )
9-He ignores you or is rude to you
10-Occasionally he will do something super nice like ask for a favor or smile or say good morning (wow what a hero *sarcasm dripping all over the place*)
Cue you get ecstatic and all all your friends when he does something trivial like calling you or IMing BOOYOO
Hence an interested Guy:
1-He finds a way to talk to you or call you be it carrier pigeon or handwritten notes , even if you live in a castle guarded by a fire blowing dragon (does no one believe in fairytales anymore) and he probably has you on all forms of communication so he can and will get a hold of you at all times
2-He does NOT date or flirt with other girls AT ALL in front of you or behind your back because he won’t risk losing you
3-He will buy you gifts for any occasion he can find (you might get a gift on labor day and Hannukah too)
4-He will want to talk to you all the time
5-He will want to see you a lot in the place where you meet and out of it
6-He hangs on your every word , doesn’t embarrass you and is never ever rude to you
7-He doesn’t just stare at you he looks at you lovingly and then approaches you
8-He will try to make you his girlfriend/fiancée/wife as soon as possible
9-Hes jealous and acts possessive ad stays around you when he feels threatened by another guy giving you attention
10-He tries to find out more about you and about anything that might be remotely interesting to you
With an interested guy you don’t wonder whether hes interested because it already shows
I think the difference is pretty obvious so if a guy isn’t pulling his weight and coming over to be with you forget him sister and move on make way for your real hero save your dignity and your time because believe me you would be better off being in love with Robbie Williams…..
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Last night I watched the movie whip it!
Not exactly the type of movie that you would add to your “inspiring movies of all time” list but nevertheless I haven’t been this inspired by a movie since I last saw hitch
I’m not saying I haven’t watched my fair share of profoundly deep movies like temple grandin , steel magnolias and erin brokovitch
But for some reason this atypical teen movie touched me for more reasons than one
The star of the movie Ellen page (star of the movie Juno) is one of my favorite starlets of the moment , even though she lacks the conventional teen cuteness of her counterparts selena Gomez and emma Watson this girl is in a league of her own reminding me of a younger prettier Jeanine garafallo with her in your face take me as I am attitude
Completely side stepping the importance of her looks Page shows you what shes made of and it goes beyond any type of beauty any girl her age possesses
The movie is about Bliss a 17 year old girl forced by her mother to endure a series of debutant type beauty pageant in the small Texan town of Bodeen feeling like a total misfit amongst her peers especially during pageants bliss discovers a roller derby league in the nearby town of Austin
The details of the storyline are quite irrelevant to me it was the self discovery journey that inspired me the most and a few scenes that really stood out and spoke to me there were three of them:
The first one was the scene where she first encounters the roller derby girls in a shop three girls on rollerskates float in like butterflies to give out fliers advertising the upcoming season , the lovely contrast of their gothic makeup and their loud tattoos with their fluid movement and big hearty smiles gave ME goosebumps and im not in the movie, the look on her face said it all …..this is who I am I can be me with them I can be like them a poetic walking contradiction of everything beautiful brash and ugly rolled into one big ME
The second scene was when her touring musician bf comes to meet her at the tournament after seeing his pictures on his website with another girl wearing the STRYKER tshirt she gave him before he left on tour…..she tells him she had seen the pictures he then tries to explain that the girl had climbed in to their van and threw herself at him ….she stops him and says “I don’t want to be that girl…the girll who stands here listening to you tell me what you DIDN’T do with some idiot” she then gives him a kiss and a slap on the face
Hats off hats off this is how I think every girl should react to a cheating boyfriend get it all out let him know you realize hes lying check….kiss him good bye check…..revenge SLAP PERFECTION
Last but not least …..so I don’t spoil the movie completely for you her roller derby evil nemesis Juliette Lewis compliments her on a jump she had successfully executed so Bliss answers “maybe ill teach you someday” and they both smile and that’s when it stopped being a competition where they beat each other senseless on the track but a sisterly camaraderie to teach each other how to jump over the obstacles in life no matter who won on the track
This movie was funny and deep with out being too serious its about the coming of age of teenagers and wanting to find a place in the world its not about winning the first place its about feeling that your number one it doesn’t have to be a fancy ivy league university or winning a beauty pageant or sealing a deal it’s about feeling that u matter and that your special even if the rest of the world think your as plain as paper
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Another awesome post by Deppys, I can’t wait for part two of this. Her first post on being a lousy parent was a huge hit, and I am betting this one and it’s sequel will be too.
Have you ever wonder why an outfit just looks great on someone, even though you might not particularly like the clothes? And why another outfit that you like very much can’t actually fits you? Have you ever go crazy hunting high and low to find something that fits and flatters your body. You try this and that, you waste your time and energy just to find the perfect fit, and sometimes your search goes in vain?
Bad news, most of us can’t really recognize the first basics, and instead they go with the trial and error method. We used to dress based on well known facts based on heights and weights, not paying much attention to the secret ingredient. It’s how you ‘body shapes’ looks like; and that is the good news.
Am gonna give you some tips and tricks that you can use in order to recognize your shape and then to learn how to maintain and revamp your style into a personal fab brand new one, right away!
So let’s get started already!
Look at your overall silhouette — the contours of your frame and how your upper and lower half are in-line with each other — to give you an idea on what you’ll have to focus on to look proportional and determine yours out of the main known shapes:
- Hourglass shape.
- Pear shape.
- Rectangle shape.
- Apple shape.
- Inverted Triangle shape.
Hourglass
The classic body shape, it’s considered to be the most ideal body shape because of its proportions. If you’re an hourglass, you have the potential to dress like a luscious Marilyn Monroe or Italian movie-star. In hourglass there is no “dragging point” in your frame that draws too much attention, well, except for your defined feminine waist! And yes, they all come in different sizes.
Call yourself an hourglass if:
- Your shoulders and hips are symmetric.
- You have a full, shapely bust.
- You waist is distinctly defined.
- You have a shapely Legs.
- The waist is 20 cm to 30cm smaller than your hip or bust measurements.
- Your gained weight would distribute evenly right to your curves.
Sisters’ celebrities: Megan Fox, Salma Hayek, Scarlett Johansson, Halle Berry, Kate Winslet and Jessica Biel
aka: triangle, spoon, Bell shape
The shape that you have is a natural womanly body shape. It’s hot and catchy, I bet you got all the stares and whistles; generally most men are attracted to the curves that you have. It’s just a part of our nature.
Call yourself a pear if..
- You have a long or slender neck, and a sloped shoulders.
- Your bust and shoulders are proportionally narrower than your hip-line.
- You have a well-defined waist.
- Maybe your butt is full and curvy.
- Your thighs are likely full or muscular.
- You most likely have a balanced body or short legged vertical body shape.
- Your Bottom size is 2 or more sizes bigger than your top size.
- Your gained weight tends to show up below the waistline around your thighs and hips as opposed to your stomach and mid-section.
Sisters’ celebrities: Oprah, Beyonce, Jennifer Love-Hewitt, Coleen McLoughlin, Shakira and Jennifer Lopez
Rectangle
Currently this shape is the “ideal” shape for today’s top models; many women would kill for your athletic shape. There’s no main area you want to minimize so you can get away with more things than most. However you may crave more curves — an illusion easily created with the right clothing.
Call yourself a rectangle if:
- Your neck is full.
- You have a broad back.
- Your bust is small to medium.
- You have an undefined or little waist definition.
- You may also have a flat bottom.
- Slim long arms and slender lengthy legs.
- Your waist measures from 2.5cm to 20cm smaller than the bust.
- You may look shorter and heavier than you really are.
- You most likely have a balanced body or long legged vertical body shape.
- You wear the same size on your top and bottom halves.
- If you were to gain/lose weight, it would distribute evenly throughout your frame.
- If you are slim you resemble a ruler.
Sisters’ celebrities: Cameron Diaz, Nicole Kidman, Hilary Duff, Sheryl Crow and Rachel Hunter
Inverted triangle
aka: strawberry/ V shape
An athletic body shape; your frame is quite common among catwalk models. And often your type of shape comes with nice, lean legs. This is the second best female shape.
Although the inverted triangle shape is the least common petite figure type, this shape is the envy of others because a full bust and wide shoulders bring emphasis to the top of the figure, rather than the hips and thighs. And yes, they all come in different sizes, as well.
Call yourself an inverted triangle if…
- Your bust and shoulders are proportionally wider than your hips (so-called clothes hanger shoulders), projecting a sporty and athletic physique.
- You have an undefined waists.
- Your hips are narrow.
- You might have slim legs related to this inverted shape.
- You most likely are a long legged vertical body shape with proportionally slim legs.
Sisters’ celebrities: Renee Zellweger, Naomi Campbell, Teri Hatcher and Demi Moore Apple
aka oval/diamond/round
You’re pretty in proportion but tend to have a softer fuller middle without a well-defined waist. You have the overall appearance of being round especially around the waist-line. You might appear top heavy. And your bust and mid-riff might appear bigger than your hips.
Call yourself an apple if:
- You have fuller face and neck.
- Your shoulders are broad.
- You have a fuller Breasts.
- Your waist is undefined.
- Your hips are narrow.
- You have a flat rear end.
- Your legs are sharp.
- Torso and upper body wider than your hips.
- One or two sizes bigger top than bottom.
- When Apples gain weight, they have a tendency to gain in the midsection.
- Usually thinner apple shapes resemble rectangle and inverted triangle because of their wide upper body. But once they gain weight, the fat gets stored around your upper half, making your torso look top-heavy and curvy.
Sisters’ celebrities: Angelina Jolie, Chandra Wilson, Rosie O’Donnell, Jennifer Hudson and Elizabeth Hurley
So, what is your shape?
Stay tuned for the next post…How to flatter the hell out of your body!
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Every one (not just women) should have at least one easy go to chocolate cake recipe. Sameeha and I go way back. Really way back when we were in kindergarten, maybe before that. We lived in the same building and were best friends and then both our separate ways when my family moved from Kuwait. Somehow we managed to get back in touch. She is one of the sweetest most genuine people you could ever meet. Bubbly and happy, she might not be as close (she lives on a totally different continent) as I would like but she’s definitely a very very very very close friend.
Easiet Chocalte Cake Ever 
As per everything overwhelming we are experiencing right now fromt he uprising in all the middle east
to the terrifying earthquake and Tsuanami hitting Japan, nothing is better than baking an easy chocalte cake
in a few minutes. Its really simple and I hope you all try it and update me with your feedback.
Ingredients:
————-
1 cup of flour
1 cup of oil
1 cup of sugar
1 cup of milk
2 eggs
2 Table spoons of cocoa
1 teaspoon of vanailla
1 teaspoon of Baking Powder
How:
—–
Using your belnder
1-Mix the oil, milk and the sugar + the cocoa.
2-Set one cup of the above aside.
3-Using the rest in the blender , add the eggs + vanilla, mix together.
4-Mix the dry ingredients < flour + Baking Powder> and then add the above “in number 3″ all together.
5-Bake for 25 minutes in meduim oven.
6-Once out from the oven pour the cup set aside on top.
Bon Appetite.
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I can’t remember how I stumbled upon Rasha*’s blog. But I remember being touched by the passion and wealth of emotions. I always feel that she is a realistic dreamer. When I first invited her to post she said she wanted to have her post published on the 21st of March, Mother’s day. So I was expecting a mother related post, but I definitely wasn’t expecting this. Thank you Rasha for such a wonderful post.
All I remember from my childhood is my mom.My mom gave me this; my mom gave me that…my mom talking me out, my mom yelling at me.
My mom was my whole world for a very long time.
She was like any other loving mom but with a twist.
She was the single mom.
And single mothers make double the effort and take double the crap from life. My dad was in Europe most of my childhood and she took every responsibility in the book.
It is not really about feeding and clothing…it is about facing everyday totally alone with no husband to nag to and no father to do the yelling.
She did it all, she disciplined, studied, befriended and yelled…and I remember an occasional 3al2a from time to time mainly infused by fear for me and probably fear from her as she struggled to make me the best girl in my family.
My mom had two targets in mind, my education and my ethics.
She gave me huge books to read since I was a child…she would sit me down with her to watch nady elcinema (ana 2adeema awi ) and tell me about classic movies and movie stars…and every time I was invited to a friend’s house or to a school trip she would decline and take me out herself to any destination I want…she was over protective and she panicked from anything that would affect my education and my ethics.
I wouldn’t say that being a single mom is extra hard because she had to worry alone about the money, my school or boys who started to interfere in my early teenage years.
Nop, The hardest thing I think she had to go through is being the single woman in a society that alienated divorced women and treated them like khatafeen elregala by default.
Most neighbors avoided us…mothers making their kids avoid playing with me…women giving mom the look because she was prettier than most of them and single.
She had to fight extra hard to keep a formal image so that people would accept me…that was back in the days, can’t say that’s the case now although it happens sometimes.
She avoided parents meetings because after she would attend one, the teachers ask me about her and comment disrespectfully as if I am dumb and can’t hear them…gossip after my mom’s rare visits to my school were unbearable…for me and for her…but she always made it up for me…she would take me out (I loved wimpy) and buy me something I wanted.
She introduced me to responsibility at a very young age…I was 11 or 12 and knew how much we have and what bills we had to pay…when I was 13 I would control the household budget and do the paying and hire a plumber or an electrician to fix something around the house…
when she had lots of money she would lead a life of a millionaire and we she had no money we were very happy to live on a 5 piaster bread and a piece of cheese for months…she taught me to be happy regardless but she was always terrified of the no money phase…I could feel her…I feel her!
My mom did the best she knows how…she wasn’t always wise…but she couldn’t have known it…and she couldn’t have given me more…
When the wheels turned and I had to go through what she went through my heart ached continuously…I promised myself I wouldn’t repeat her mistakes but at the same time I keep wishing I could give my kids a fraction of the devotion she gave me.
I wish my kids love me a fraction of the love I feel for her. She has my utmost respect and cherishing…and regardless of any annoying blasts she some times throws at me J I will always do my very best make her happy and comforted.
Happy mother’s day to all moms and one extra rose to single moms.
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Ze2red sent me this lovely post from her comments section that were a reply to this post. The best thing about blogging is the discussion it generates. This is a great example of exactly that. Ze2red thank you very much for sharing this with us.
Go on and read the post first. I can wait.
Did you read it? Ok good, here is the rest of the post
This post was a result of a blogshpere conversation between Ibhog and I. We were discussing the relationships between guys and girls, and what makes it go on or sink down the drain. And this is how it went:
Ibhog: This is exactly, why guys bail on girls. At first, she admires him for being open minded, and that’s very fulfilling for him, but when things get serious (i.e we pass to the life phase of a relationship), he won’t be able to continue, because he’ll get back to his normal self again, which is pretty much out of his hands, it’s imposed by society for the most part, and of course out of him feeling insufficient.
At this point, the girl pulls back too very fast, complicating things. Now, let me tell you that me ‘wanting to be honest with you (as in I accept your conditions)’, rather than me ‘being really honest with you’, are totally different things, but yet they all compose so much of how I care about you and how much I crave you in my life.
Ze2red: The thing about pulling back here, I guess the boy is out of his element at first, he starts liking the girl, falling for her, and at some point in time he thinks, how I ever lived my life without her?. So the first stages of falling in love is imposed, he starts spoiling the girl, it’s true, he is being himself, he is that romantic guy “all in his own way, as long as she is fine with it”, caring too much, being the TENDER man “7ot ta7tha 1000 red line”, caring, loving, and most of all showing her who he really is in a nice way, so she would accept him. The thing is if she does accept him in that phase with all his good and bad. Then for now the deal is sealed.
What changes things is that girls take a longer time to fall in love and out of it, or let’s say get to that Life stage a little later after men do. So what happens that after a while the guy starts heading back to his real life “u actually said that”, what the guys don’t know is the girl at this point gets blur and mixed visions, one moment he is lifting me up high, the next he is totally ignoring me. So she starts wondering, is he falling out of love, and she starts questioning herself, did I do something wrong? Was I rude at some point? Did I get the clues when it was too late? And the relationship starts shaking.
You know why this happened? Because it is so normal for guys to quickly get back to life, and carry on with its pace with absolutely no explanation at all for their reactions. They just disappear like if the world is heading towards and apocalypse and the destiny of mankind is in their hands. Simply girls don’t get that men will sometimes take their distances then come back as much as passionate as before. No one gave us that Guy thinking instruction book. And believe me no one gave guys the Girls emotional manual book either, to give you some hints how girls’ emotions can cause them pain in the ass, and take their minds to places they should never visit.
Girls are so sensitive, and this cause them bad headaches, because they feel that they should interpret each action of their partners’ and that they should be related to them “self centered- I know”, but this is how things go in the very beginning, and it might take those turn again when they are married, if they went through some rough time “either one of them, or both of them”.
A guy simply needs his space, disappear, and head to places where he can find back his peace of mind. Figure things out to be precise. Then he will surface again, and come out of his cave. At this moment the girl would have lost her mind . Disappearing without saying is the worst thing you can do to punish your spouse. She grows tremendously worried, and all kind of bad ideas start flowing in her mind “ma3lesh mewasweseeeen” , so the least you can do is just tell her you need your quality time, if you really made your right choice about your lifetime partner, she will totally understand and frees you away, because she knows deep down you are coming back. Isn’t it all about talking and listing (i.e communication). Just spare her the trouble of thinking she is the reason behind every disappearance you make, the feel of guilt is BAD, it eats her up, kills the good feelings, and will turn your life into hell on earth “ta3lo 3ala nafsoko ya regala, w ray7o demaghko, ento el kasbaneen fel akher”… Guess what, keeping her in the picture (I mean when u are feeling down, not all the time) will make her worried about you, but secured about herself, she will start praying for you from deep down her heart – she loves you – and her prayers might be answered and things work out for your best. All she needs to know, you are physically OK – coz obviously you are not, emotionally – and that you are returning back to her. It’s not hard, believe me. By the way, it’s her right to know you are fine, the same as you like to be updated with her moves so you don’t get worried about her.
So the bottom line is, communication between spouses is a life, marriage, friendship and family savior.
Let us discuss this, what do you all think?
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