I’ve been thinking about why Egyptian women tend to let themselves go after having children. You know the drill, you’ve seen it so many times and it is certainly a very easy trap to fall into (I fell in head first, thinking I never would have). I don’t just mean weight gain or physical changes, I am thinking about the total mentality change. At first the changes are subtle and small then suddenly everything has changed and going back to who and what you used to be becomes a seemingly impossible uphill battle.
I keep toying with the idea that perhaps it is a cultural thing, that as young Egyptian girls we all grew up watching our moms sacrifice their time, energy, youth and everything else to bring up the family. They don’t care about how they look, how they dress and themselves in general. A woman setting aside time for herself is a rare thing. I don’t like generalizations and by no means am I trying to say that “all” women do this, but it does appear to be a trend. Before getting married and having my daughter I had a weekly pedicure, now I am lucky if I can make it once a month, it’s more like once every two months these days. It is not about the time, because I am sure I do have enough time to do everything. After all I am a stay at home mom. It is about the attitude. The reason I keep thinking it is cultural is because I see the differences in the other nationalities living in Kuwait. You have the Lebanese mommas, towing 3 and 4 kids and still managing to look good. And then you see the Egyptian mothers, lets just say they are my worst nightmare, and if I don’t do something soon, I could easily walk down that same road easily.
Why do some mothers forget to smile? It is like they have painted a permanent frown or scowl on their face, it is scary. It is also a shame and very very sad. Women, in my opinion, sometimes do end up with the short end of the stick. The burden of raising children is a great one. Or, is it? Perhaps it is how we choose to raise our children and live our lives that make it burdensome. Can we change our attitude and outlook and turn it into a fun one? Ever since I gave birth my mother has been advising me to take better care of myself, which is just great advice, but, I have to also look at the fact that growing up I rarely saw her doing that. She gave up everything easily for us, but in doing so she forgot to do stuff for herself and robbed us of the chance of setting that bar in the right place. I am in no way blaming her or even accusing her of doing anything wrong, I am just trying to pinpoint a cycle that needs to be broken.
We try to teach our children the value of sharing, caring and being compassionate towards other people’s needs, but if we do not set an example by placing our own needs as a priority how will they learn to be compassionate towards their mothers and in turn how to value their own needs and make sure they are met. We want them to learn how to say please, thank you, not to take what is not theirs and to be polite. That should start at home. If we do not demand it from them, how will they ever learn. Their expectations will become skewed if we do not clearly define the concepts of boundaries. Telling a child no when they ask for a toy they do not need, should be the same as saying no when they ask for time or attention they do not need either.
Another part of the cultural equation is how we look at women who take care of themselves as spoiled, irresponsible or airheads. There seems to be a general stereotype that a well preserved woman has no brains. It is like if a mother does not look frumpy and miserable then she must be selfish, self centered and a fool.
Men are also sort of bitten by this bug but in a totally different way. They get lost in the rat race to provide for their families and forget that they too need some fun in their lives, which usually leads to the infamous midlife crisis, when men buy Ferrari’s and chase younger women.
What should we do now? Do you agree? What is your take on this?
