My Golden Torturers
I have a super power. I have decided to come out and tell the world that I can hear inanimate objects speak, well not any objects, but food. Those pesky Ferrero Rocher balls have been calling me all morning. My husband got me a box for Mother’s day and I hid it from myself so we could enjoy a couple every evening after dinner. Normally I can eat them all, munch, munch in a matter of minutes. They have been calling all morning and they know exactly how lonely I get in the mornings and they keep telling me how they will hug me (and sit on my hips forever) and be sweet to me. They know how much I love their crunchy outside and their sweet creamy filling. I’ve tried changing their hiding place and eating cheese instead and they just won’t be quiet. I keep thinking if I eat one or two they will be quieter because there will be less of them talking but I don’t want to go there. I was at the gym last night and the thin mommies just drove me crazy. There was this lady who was probably in her late thirties and is thinner than my wrist so I am trying to control myself. Eventually I threatened to nuke them in the microwave so now they are whimpering and crying, it makes me sad but I’d rather be mean than fat.
Does anyone know where I can find some loud carrots that will sing to me and entertain me in the morning?
