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The server refuses to fulfill the request

Seriously? The server undersrands but doesn’t feel like it?twitter

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Baby Observations

My daughter and I enjoyed a lovely day out today and I learned some interesting things.

  1. She tortured a 3 year old girl by calling her “baby” the little girl kept telling her “I am not a baby you are a baby” only to find my little one year old insisting on calling her “baby”.  They did this several times until the little girl decided that Lulu just couldn’t get it.
  2. She loves shopping trips, anything that glitters and shines and mirrors.
  3. She loves fountains.  They amaze her and I encourage her by dangling her hands and feet in the water.
  4. She loves Red Kidney beans but they cause really smelly diapers.
  5. She thinks sneezing is funny.  Actually she thinks sneezing is hilarious!
  6. She has color preferences.
  7. She loves fries and orange juice.
  8. She won’t sit on the potty but she proudly informs us of “Poop”.
  9. She loves waving to random people.
  10. She thinks hairbrushes, toothbrushes and shoes are edible.
  11. When she’s in a good mood, I am in a good mood.  When she’s cranky, she makes me very very cranky.

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Is this real life?

David just had oral surgery and is wondering if this is real life? I feel so sad for the little guy, but it’s hilarious.

via ParentDish

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9 Reasons not to think positively

Rain Clouds

Rain Clouds

This is totally for fun.  Positive thinking is the next best thing to chocolate.  From the book Are ya Bovvered?, 500 reasons not to give a shit.

  1. Positive people are annoying as hell.  When something really shitty has happened and you just want to wallow in your own worthlessness, they always trot out platitudes like “there’s plenty more fish in the sea” or “it just wasn’t meant to be” or “maybe it’s for the best”.  Arrrgghhh.
  2. It’s pseudo mind-fooling crap which helps sad losers tolerate their miserable pointless lives.
  3. If you think the worst, you can never be disappointed.
  4. Why should someone starving in Africa think positively – exactly – proving that it’s a decadent upyour- arse Western way of dealing with the world when life gets too comfortable.
  5. Thinking the best of people gets you screwed over every time.
  6. Shit happens, regardless of whether you are thinking happy thoughts; life really sucks most of the time – deal with it.
  7. X-Factor auditions: Ten thousand wannabe twats who are living proof that thinking positively about your worse than meagre abilities
    1. makes you look a twat
    2. wastes everybody else’s time
    3. turns you into fodder for exploitation TV culture.
  8. Maybe if Americans weren’t so goddam smiley smug positive all the time they would look around them and realize that they’ve destabilized the Middle East, they are stopping the rest of the world from saving the planet, their president is a complete retard and everybody hates them.
  9. Behind every cloud the sun is shining – yeah, but you can’t see it because there a friggin’ great cloud in the way.

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Cheap Apartment in Cairo

You know those ads next to your gmail emails.  They sometimes come up with the funniest things.  So here you are folks 4 cheap apartments (I am not sure why anyone would go out and buy 4) in Cairo for less than 1 million.  Just in case you don’t have a million dirhams (around 1.5 million Egyptian Pounds) you can always buy cheap shoes and bags and call your friends cheap to brag about it.

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Lipstick and Candles

When I was around two my mother left me with my father for a couple of hours to run some errands. My father decided that we could take a nap and we both did fall asleep. Apparently I decided to wake up and play and since he always was a heavy sleeper he didn’t wake up. I found my mother’s red lipstick and decided to paint my face, my clothes, his face, the bed sheets, the curtains and everything else my two year old hands could reach. My mother came home to a full load in the washing machine.

Today I was baking some brownies and was in the kitchen for 6 minutes and left little Lulu in the living room to play, I heard a noise that I wasn’t really expecting and ran out to see. There was the little innocent angel all covered in red candle wax.  She had managed somehow to pull herself up to the TV table and pull down my red candle and dig her nails into it.  That was not enough fun so she somehow got candle wax in her toes as well, her clothes, my cream colored carpet and the bamboo place mats.   The look of triumph on her face was hilarious.  Miraculously though she did not try to taste it and was just happily making a mess when I caught her.  I ended up washing her up and cleaning the mess.  She enjoyed the washing part because she’s a little ducky who loves water and splashing around.

I had to call my mother and tell her what had just happened and she reminded me that I too had a fondness for painting the house red.

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Tongue Twisters

Out loud now, try saying these quickly;

A bitter biting bittern
Bit a better brother bittern,
And the bitter better bittern
Bit the bitter biter back.
And the bitter bittern, bitten,
By the better bitten bittern,
Said: “I’m a bitter biter bit, alack!”

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck
if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
He would chuck, he would, as much as he could,
and chuck as much wood as a woodchuck would
if a woodchuck could chuck wood.

And in Arabic

  • بطتنا بطّت بطن بطتتكم بطتين وبطة يا هل ترى بتقدر بطتكم تبط بطن بطتنا بطتين وبطة
  • عنزتنا الحلطة الملطة القرعة القرطة جابت ستة حلط ملط قرع قرط اجا الذيب الاحلط الاملط الاقرع الاقرط اكل الست الحلت الملط القرع القرط

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Control a Kid Remote Control

Kid Remote Control

I saw this and actually thought that we had crossed the bounds of technology and did the impossible of finding a way to control kids.  I love the “Grow up” button, although I might be tempted to use it on childish adults not kids.

Kid Remote Control

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From my Inbox: Things my mother taught me

I got this email today it is so funny

• My Mother taught me about ANTICIPATION…

“Just wait until your father gets home.”

• My Mother taught me about RECEIVING…

“You are going to get it when we get home!”

• My Mother taught me to MEET A CHALLENGE…

“What were you thinking? Answer me when I talk to you! Don’t talk back to me!”

• My Mother taught me LOGIC…

“If you fall out off that swing and break your neck, you’re not going to the store with me.”

• My Mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE…

“If you don’t stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way.”

• My Mother taught me to THINK AHEAD…

“If you don’t pass your spelling test, you’ll never get a good job.”

• My Mother taught me HUMOR…

“When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don’t come running to me.”

• My Mother taught me how to BECOME AN ADULT…

“If you don’t eat your vegetables, you’ll never grow up.”

• My Mother taught me about my ROOTS…

“Do you think you were born in a barn?”

• My Mother taught me about GENETICS…

“You’re just like your father.”

• My Mother taught me about WISDOM OF AGE…

“When you get to be my age, you will understand.”

• My mother taught me to APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE…

“If you’re going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning.”

• My mother taught me about RELIGION…

“You better pray that will come out of the carpet.”

• My mother taught me about ENVY…

“There are millions of children in this world who don’t have wonderful parents like you do.”

• My mother taught me about FORESIGHT…

“Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you’re in an accident.”

• My mother taught me about IRONY…

“Keep crying, and I’ll give you something to cry about.”

And last but not least…

• My Mother taught me about JUSTICE…

“One day you’ll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you….Then you’ll see what it’s like!

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