He’s Just Not That Into You

He's Just Not That Into You

He's Just Not That Into You

So unless you were living in a cave or under a big shiny blue rock you must have heard about this movie or the book titled He’s Just Not That Into You.  The book was inspired by an episode of Sex and the City titled “Pick-A-Little, Talk-A-Little,” in which Miranda asks Carrie‘s boyfriend, Jack Berger, to analyze the post-date behavior of a potential love interest. Because the man declined Miranda’s invitation to come up to her apartment after the date, stating that he has an early meeting, Berger concludes, “He’s just not that into you,” adding, “When a guy’s really into you, he’s coming upstairs, meeting or no meeting.”  [Wikipedia].

The movie follows the lives of people who are totally misreading signs and interpreting the other person’s actions incorrectly.  I am not going to spoil the movie for you and I am not really going to do a movie review.  I did like the movie and it is an interesting and slightly thought provoking movie which is worth seeing for a girls night out.

After watching my brain sort of did a quick dissection of the movie and came up with these random or maybe not so random thoughts.

Signs.  I’ve always had a problem with signs, I believe they don’t really exist and that they are a waste of time especially in relationships.  When a girl is in love she will twist every single detail and analyze it over and over a million times over just to see things the way she wants to see it.  My rule is, if someone wants something they have to ask for it clearly, unless that happens whatever might be in their mind just does not exist in my world.  This is not just applicable to guys and girls this is applicable to everything in life.  For example, your boss is being nice to you does not mean he wants to fire or promote you (unless he really says either).  I know people who will analyze every single detail to death and end up wasting so much time thinking instead of living.  If you over analyze you are just stressing your self out for nothing

Dump the girl too. You might have a gal pal who’s just not that into you either.  I mean that sometimes our girl friends can be just as toxic to our lives.  The girl who doesn’t call, doesn’t care and is never really there should be dumped.  The girl who uses you and abuses you should get the boot.  Even if you’ve known her for a kazillion years, that is no excuse.  Dump her and move on.  Friends should make you feel good and be good to you.  They are honest, open and real.

Real advice.  How many times has someone asked you for advice and instead of being honest you were nice?  Personally I am a mean biatch sometimes, my sister can testify that I am a believer in tough love and usually tell people what they don’t really want to hear and it’s not because I have a mean sadistic streak but because I’d rather  give the cure than kiss the boo boo when someone is hurting.  Sometimes you have to be really honest with yourself and give yourself real and true advice to help yourself move on or forward.

You can’t force a guy into marrying you. Actually you can.  You can trap him but eventually he will leave.  This is valid for anything in life, if you force anyone to do anything, somewhere along the line they will snap and try to get out.  On the other hand if you help someone do what they truly want everyone will be much happier.

Lying is never good.  Yes, lying is never good, but you know that already, don’t you?  You will get caught or ruin your life or whatever.  Don’t lie.  Don’t lie to someone you care about.

Happiness is a ride not a destination. Really, who is happy all the time?  No one.  The married couple had problems, the single girls were looking for love, the girl who was in love and living with her boyfriend wanted to get married, the girl who loves a man who doesn’t love her back is loved by another man whom she doesn’t want.  There’s always something.  There is no “state” or “status” for happiness.  It’s an outlook and a choice to be happy.  There is no happy ending because as long as you are alive there is no end and you have to keep working on it and doing your best to be happy.

Update: RJay had an interesting angle on the movie too.

Friday’s Five: Favorite Childhood Musical Movies

Chitty Chitty Bang Bang

Mary Poppins

Bedknobs and Broomsticks

Sound of Music

Willy Wonka and Chocolate Factory

Hypothetical Question: If your life was turned into a movie

If your life was turned into a movie, which movie would it be?  It doesn’t necessarily have to be like your life,  it is a hypothetical question after all.

Who would play you?

Who would play members of your family or your significant other?

Would you change the ending in the movie?

Marriage in movies – Le3bet el 7ob (The game of love)

I am not a romantic movie fan in general, I find them soppy, sappy and boring and it usuall has an unbelievably happy ending.  That said I watched Le3bet el 7ob, starring Khaled Abou El-Naga and Hend Sabry a couple of days ago and I liked it.  Since I am not going to spoil it for you I’m not going to tell you what happens, but I did like how they depicted marriage for the new age Egyptian couple.

In one scene Khaled Abo El-Naga goes home turns on the lights and throws his jacket on the chair in the hallway, his wife immedeatly calls out to him telling him (in a very annoyed voice) to switch off the lights and not to leave his jacket on the chair because that’s not where it should be.

It was one of those “Aha” moments as Oprah calls them.  This kind of behavior is what gets you in marriage rut.  In every marriage there are those annoying things that each spouse does and it gets on the other person’s nerves.  I know firsthand because we have that same “turn off the light” conversation most days, my husband likes the lights really bright and I don’t.  There’s also “why can’t you pick up your dirty clothes” talk everyday.  A few months back I decided to totally drop these little nags and just do the things myself without feeling angry or petty.  The interesting thing was that the pesky socks eventually learned to find their way to the laundry basket on their own and the lights are at medium brightness most of the time.

Along the way we forget what brought us together and remember only the small annoying little things, we stop looking at our spouse as a partner, a friend, a confidant and an amazing person and we see a husband and a father.  I think that is what turns many marriages sour.  If there are things that bug you, talk to your other or should I say better half nicely, explain why this thing bothers you and tell him clearly what you would prefer he or she do without being accusatory or aggressive, then drop it.  If this thing is one of those little things don’t nag, eventually it will fix itself.

Nagging just annoys the person being nagged, they feel belittled and usually get on the defensive or passive aggressive side.  For every bad habit your partner has thing of 2 good ones and you will definitely realize that they are just great and your need to nag will go away, so will your feeling of martyrdom too.

Enjoy your relationship instead of focusing on the flaws and it will all work itself out.

45 Days

45 Days Movie Poster

45 Days Movie Poster

Ahmad Ezz El Deen (El-Feshawi)  is a rich kid, convicted of killing both his parents and is sent to a mental institute for 45 days to confirm the state of his mental health.  I am not a fan of Arabic movies in general.  I don’t like silly comedies (El Limby style) but sometimes watch out of sheer boredom when there is nothing useful to do.  But everyonce in a while an Egyptian movie truly impresses me.  This was one of those times.  The story was strong and deep.  The characters were real and portrayed superbly by the actors.  The direction of the whole thing was the cherry on top of the cake.

As the story progresses the boy tells his story to his doctor (Hesham Selim)  who is having problems of his own in his personal life.  As he flashes back to times of abuse and turmoil, you can not but help feel sympathetic towards this alleged murderer, angry towards his abusive violent father and frustrated with the passive mother.

It is a complex story told very beautifuly and simply and the ending was a huge surprise.  I was half expecting a cheesy cliche ending and was surprised when it wasn’t there.

I am not sure why the movie didn’t do so well in box office terms but I think it was bad timing or maybe just that the general Egyptian population does not enjoy movies like this.  It is a shame because we really do need better movies.  Movies are entertainment but are also part of our culture and heritage and are a reflection of societies.  Apparently we are a Limby society and will be for some time to come.

45 days, On the motor bike

45 days, On the motor bike