A blanket called Endurance

#crochet I am starting to accept that it will never be as big as I want it to.

This is my Uncoordinated blanket.  I started it on July the 28th of 2012.  I was just stash busting, trying to use up old odds and ends of leftover Alize Diva that were the remains of projects.  I then called it the vulnerability blanket, but today I was talking to my mom about it and said it is your endurance blanket.  I thought about it and I guess she is right.  It is about my endurance and patience.  My perseverance to keep going even when I really didn’t want to.

To the average person it is an unremarkable blanket made up of colors that do not match and even in some places clash.  It is made up of the most basic crochet pattern there is.  The Granny Square.  It is not even made up of squares that are joined up, just one never ending square.

It started in Kuwait, it came with me to hospital when I had a near death experience, it came with me to the apartment in Cairo while I was getting it all fixed up, it came with me back to Kuwait again.  It has already been snuggled with by the 6 year old.  It has been exhausting, exhilarating and exasperating.  It tells a story of the many projects that were made with the yarn.  But most of all it tells the story of a woman.  A woman who chose to grow up, learn a lot of things and to always keep going.  A story that no one else might understand.  A story, of struggles, pain, happiness, sadness, elation, success and failure. A story that might not interest anyone else, because it is not amazing.  But a story that we all share.  A story of growing up.  Growing up is nothing but endurance.  Learning to keep your eyes on the ball while enjoying the game.  Of wanting to give up but deciding that you can give it another go.  You also learn that it is ok to stop and rest for a while, life isn’t going anywhere without you, and then you get up and try again.

I love finishing things, and having a work in progress for so long is a struggle for me. But this isn’t a quick project.  I have a King Size bed and this is fingering weight yarn.  I always knew it was going to be a feat.  But I am also starting to accept that it might never become a full King Size blanket, that maybe I have worked on it enough.  It has served its purpose.  It has shown me so many things and now I understand why.

It might be time to work on it for a little more time and stop.  To move onto other things and start using it on my bed so it can be a daily reminder of the amount of work we need in life and also that we are never really done.  We will always be works in progress.  We will always be an inch away from completion but that is ok.  We are perfect just the way we are. Because to me, this blanket with all of its imperfections and weirdness, it is just perfect to me.

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